In this journal are recorded all my lucid dreams and out of body experiences, which started occurring in 2013, shortly after the beginning of my spiritual awakening. I see them as being part of a vast continuum that I will call “astral experiences” for lack of better terminology.
These non-ordinary states of awareness gave me a different perspective on physical reality itself, allowing me to see it more and more as a lucid dream, and thus bringing the astral and the physical closer and closer together. This cross-connection between worlds culminated with experience #33, which was followed by some very intense and challenging days, as my physical personality got completely overwhelmed by the magnitude of what had been happening. The story of this merging as it played out in physical reality, is told in the blog entry titled “Love Beyond Spacetime”.
My astral journal was originally posted on-line in the forum “Explorations In Consciousness”. When this forum closed, I transferred all my journal entries into a book format, and now I am posting it here too so it can be publicly viewed. The content is identical to what I had originally posted on the forum, including the notes, illustrations and numbering, which itself is significant. Two months before my life-changing experience 33, I had written an “INTERLUDE” meant to be a lighthearted joke, but it turns out that it was a lot more than that. It was a further illustration of the cross-connection of the physical, astral, and imaginary realms.
1. First spontaneous lucid dream
(Mid-2013)
I am dreaming that I am walking in a park. Suddenly, out of the blue, I realize that I am dreaming. I am fully conscious, my mind is sharp, and everything is crystal clear. There are no dream characters and no dream story, just me walking in this park. I look around, and the first thing that comes to my mind is that this is a golden opportunity to find out ‘how real’ things are in a dream. I decide to walk to the nearest tree and to check ‘how solid and real’ the tree trunk is by touching it and looking at it closely. However, the closer I am getting to the tree trunk, the more translucent it seems to become. Quickly, the whole dreamscape starts to disappear, and then suddenly, I find myself in a completely different dreamscape, having completely lost lucidity. There is a story plot going on, and I am not aware that I am dreaming anymore.
When I woke up later, I could remember the lucid dreaming episode very clearly, as well as the beginning of the following regular non-lucid dream. Out of curiosity, I went on-line to google ‘lucid dreaming’, but did not spend much time researching it. What I remember finding is a comment that once one becomes lucid in the dream, one needs to keep generating it or it will collapse, but that’s about it. I had not read any books on lucid dreaming, and still considered lucid dreaming to be an activity people were doing for entertainment only, which is not something I felt attracted to.
2. Second spontaneous lucid dream
(Early 2014)
I am dreaming that I am in some kind of hospital waiting room. The room and the walls are white and bare. There is one desk, a few chairs, and a square window through which I can see space (or dark night sky). I notice a beam of cool-toned light coming into the room through the window, a bit like a moon beam, but brighter than that. It looks a bit like a large beam coming out of an LED flashlight. I can see the shadows the moonbeam is casting on the white wall. I get closer to the edge of the wall, and see the dark cracks in the concrete illuminated by the cool light. As I am looking at the play of light and shadows in those cracks in the wall, it occurs to me that this looks ‘just like physical reality’. This thought kind of jerks me to the realization that I am dreaming!
I am now fully conscious, looking around in the room. I immediately remember the previous lucid dream, even though it happened almost a year earlier. I remember that this first lucid dream did not last, and that I read on-line that I am supposed to ‘keep generating the dream or it will collapse’. However, I realize that I have no idea ‘how to keep generating the dream’, and wish I had researched it more. I want to avoid at all cost another dream collapse, and do not want to become unconscious like I did the first time. I decide to focus my attention on the wall in front of me and ‘wish it to stay there’. To my dismay, I see the wall start to shake, vibrate, and become fuzzy, and the whole dreamscape quickly collapses in front of my eyes…
However, this time there is a major difference: even though the dream scene has disappeared, I am still fully conscious. I am now just pure awareness in a dark void, with some pale flashing lights here and there. It feels a bit disorienting. I desperately try to ‘hang in there’ because I want to explore more and absolutely don’t want to wake up! I mentally call Bashar for help as ‘loud’ as I can: “Bashar, Bashar, help me stay there!” After a few seconds of being in this void, I start feeling my body and my physical senses coming back ‘on-line’ and gently wake up in my bed, extremely excited but disappointed that the experience was so short.
It is after this second lucid dream that I started becoming really curious about lucid dreaming and researched it more. It started dawning on me that lucid dreaming might be a valuable tool to explore my own consciousness and the nature of reality, and that there might be much more potential to lucid dreaming than just entertainment. I also got really excited by the fact that I called Bashar while I was out there (which had been a spontaneous and unpremeditated act): for the first time, it occurred to me that lucid dreaming might be a way for me to get in contact with him. I think I had heard him mention this possibility in some of his public events, but I had not realized until this point that it might be a ‘real’ possibility for me… The goal of contacting him through lucid dreaming and out of body experiences became a major driving force for me after that.
3. First spontaneous astral projection
(April 19, 2014)
At around 3:00am, I am awakened by the very loud sound of a tree crashing seemingly right on top of our house. I spring out of bed and rush to my kids’ room to make sure the tree did not hit their side of the house. All is quiet, and I do not see any fallen trees in the yard. I go back to bed, and since I am not able to go back to sleep, I decide to use this opportunity to do some meditation. As I am starting the meditation, lying on my back in bed, something strange occurs: my head and my spine suddenly align straight, as if on their own accord. I notice this, find it odd, but do not think too much of it.
After a while meditating, I suddenly hear a loud screeching metallic buzzing sound in my head and feel my body vibrate. This thought comes in my head: ‘This is a DMT release. Relax, surrender to it, and see what happens’. Strangely, even though I have no idea what to expect, I feel no fear what-so-ever (this is very unlike me). The sound and the vibration increase in intensity, reach a climax, and abruptly, all these sensations stop and I find myself fully conscious, flying over a snowy mountain landscape. I immediately realize that I am in some kind of lucid dream landscape. All is sparkly, and the snow looks different than the Earth snow: it is not all white, but rather, it is bicolor. There are patches of brown snow and patches of white snow. I also immediately remember my two previous lucid dreams, and decide to keep moving as fast as I can, hoping that this time, the dreamscape won’t collapse. Note: after my second lucid ream, I had read on-line that one could prevent the dream from collapsing by moving around.
I fly around the mountain top for a while, a couple feet above the snow, and this is exhilarating. To my delight, I quickly realize that this time, the dreamscape is stable and is not collapsing. At this point, I decide to go meet Bashar, and as soon as I have this intention, I feel a strong sensation of internal acceleration, as if I was in an elevator moving upwards. I feel a second similar sensation right after the first one, then find myself in a completely different landscape. The whole transition just took one second, and there were two distinct acceleration phases within my consciousness.
This new landscape is very strange: there are only black and white pixels all over. It looks just like an older black and white TV screen with the antenna unplugged: just white noise ‘snow’ pixels. I feel very frustrated because I badly want to meet with Bashar, and strain to make sense of this noise. As I strain, a ‘discontinuity’ in the noise appears in the center of my field of view, looking like a kind of ‘crack’ in the noise. I focus my attention there, and start seeing a moving shape, looking like some kind of automated cartoonish skeleton, looking mildly threatening. I do not know what to think of it: I am not afraid, but I wonder if it would not be wise to retreat, and with this thought, I immediately find myself in another landscape.
I am again in a mountain landscape, but this time I am in the middle of a little mountain village, maybe a Himalayan one. There are simple little stone buildings surrounding a stone plaza. There seems to be some kind of celebration going on, with something that looks like a large multicolor yellow, red and blue horse piñata, with long hair, several feet tall, standing in the middle of the plaza. I am flying around looking at this scene. After a while exploring, the urge to meet Bashar hits me again, and the exact same process happens: two strong short phases of internal acceleration, and there I am, back in the black and white pixel environment. The jerky cartoonish character is there again, in the center of the noise. It is moving back and forth. I observe it for a while, then give up and wake up.
This was the first time I had tried meditating in the middle of the night. I had been meditating during the day and before bedtime for a year and a half prior to this experience, but I had never tried meditating in the middle of the night before. The next morning, I checked the woods around our house and did not find any fallen trees. It is likely that the tree crashing sound that woke me up that night had not been real. I am suspecting I had some help that night: first the crashing sound, then the spine alignment, then the DMT thought, and the absence of fear, are all very odd. Concerning the strange noisy pixel environment, it occurred to me later that it might have been symbolic of the fact that my ‘hardware’ was not advanced enough to receive the channel I was trying to tune to. It is a stretch, but possibly, these two distinct phases of acceleration corresponded to shifting two densities upwards, and I was not advanced enough to decode these frequencies… Just a thought.
4. First induced astral projection
(May 12, 2014)
I spontaneously wake up around 3:00am again, and decide to see if I can reproduce the previous experience by meditating on my back just as I did before my first projection occurred. After a while meditating, I hear the same buzzing sound in my head, then start feeling my body vibrate. This time however, the buzzing and vibration state last a lot longer than the first time. Eventually, out of the blue, I suddenly find myself elsewhere, with no body awareness.
I am in some kind of office cafeteria: there are several long tables with small groups of people sitting here and there. They are all wearing plain jumpsuits. The room is plain, with white walls and no windows. There is a large potted plant in a corner. I get closer to the potted plant, and observe it. I seem to zoom in on it, and find myself between the plant leaves, like a dot of awareness moving around the plant leaves. I can feel the force field of the leaves as I move around, it is a weird sensation that I am not used to. Visually, the closer I get to the leaves and the soil, the crisper, sharper and more sparkly the visuals get.
Then I am back observing the people in the cafeteria. Two of them are walking close by me. At this moment, I get the following insight: ‘Pay attention to his face.’ I look at the face of the person closest to me, and to my surprise, I realize that it is not human at all! I had not even noticed at first! His skin is dark blue/dark grey, almost black. He has two perfectly round all-black eyes (maybe 1 ½” diameter), and the lower portion of his face looks strange, with intricate bumps looking like a gas mask. The rest of his body is humanoid-looking, and he is wearing the same kind of jumpsuit as the others. I then look at the other people, and they look 100% human, but they seem to have an ethnicity not found on Earth: their face is wider and flatter, the eyes are spaced wide apart, and the skin tone is light but very golden, reminding me of fake-tanning. There are no indications that these people are seeing me. They seem to be minding their business, and there are no interactions between me and them, I am just an observer.
I ask myself to show me something else’ (not sure how to word this) and find myself elsewhere. There is an old pick-up truck half-buried in the mud and covered with vines. I zoom in the trunk, and see cockroaches running around.
I ask to be shown something else again and find myself high up in the blue sky, flying over a gorgeous landscape that reminds me of old English country. It is very green, fairly flat, and there are older brick mansions here and there. It is the first time that I am flying that high, and it feels weird at first but I quickly get used to it. It is completely effortless, and the visuals and sensations while flying through this 3-dimensional landscape are amazing. I fly down and smoothly land in the backyard of one of the mansions. It is a nicely landscaped backyard with stone benches and gazebos. There are two women walking and discussing something. I can hear what they are saying (but later would not able to remember anything about what they were talking about).
At several points during the experience, I become aware of a vague discomfort involving my physical body (from which I am completely disconnected). I feel that something is not right with my brain, that it is getting tired, and that it would be advisable to wake up. It is a very vague pressure feeling that comes and goes. Each time I dismiss this signal because I want to explore more. However, finally I give in and decide to wake up. I wake up in my bed and right then, I see my bedroom door open and one of my kids comes in, complaining of feeling sick. I get up and go to the kitchen with him to check him up. It is still night time, all is dark and I have to turn the light on. There in the kitchen, I notice something odd (but later would not be able to remember what it was) and this makes me realize that I am in a dream! I am not really awake! I decide to wake up again, and this time wake up for good in my bed. It is still dark, all is quiet and my kids are sleeping in their bedroom. Right then I immediately feel that something is very wrong with my head: there is a huge pressure in my forehead and between my temples, I feel very brain-fogged and totally exhausted, as if I had just been concentrating on a 10-hour final exam marathon.
I did not feel well for several weeks after this second astral projection. The pressure in my head lasted for a few days, to the point where I wondered if some brain damage had occurred. For a few days, I also felt close to panic, which then turned into mild paranoia and then anxiety and irritability. It felt like an earthquake had occurred to my brain, and for a few days after the experience I could feel the aftershocks moving downwards from my head down to my chest and stomach, making me sick. On the other hand, I also was totally ecstatic about these experiences, and could not believe something that cool was happening to me. I was extremely pleased with myself for allowing these experiences to occur, yet completely flabbergasted by the negative symptoms I was experiencing. Why was I experiencing negative consequences from something so amazing? There was nothing I wanted more than have more such experiences, yet my body was obviously complaining. I now believe that these negative symptoms were the manifestation of unconscious resistances and an adjustment to new levels of energy. Since then I have not had any more discomfort after astral projections.
Note that up to this point, I was still assuming my experiences were lucid dreams. It had not occurred to me yet that these could have been out-of-body experiences. I had read Bob Monroe’s books in 2013 and found them very exciting, but it did not occur to me that I could be experiencing something similar, because I had not seen myself detach from my body or hover around my house. It is only later that I remembered that Bob Monroe also felt vibrations in his body before his projections. Finally, it is by reading Frederick Aardema’s book “Explorations In Consciousness” that I realized that lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences are part of the same spectrum.
Update: The package from China synchronicity
After this experience, after struggling for a few days with the negative symptoms described above, I did a lot of praying to ask for understanding as to why my body was reacting so negatively to such an awesome experience, and a few days later, I received a suspicious package in the mail, coming directly from China, that was containing an electric item I had ordered on Amazon a couple weeks earlier. This item was a fake looking exactly like what I ordered. I got really mad and paranoid that this item would poison me or blow my house up, which was a completely irrational and prejudiced reaction. I was filing a complaint on Amazon when I saw the seller’s name and everything suddenly became crystal clear: the seller’s name was IDREAMWOLRD! This package from China was a synchronistic symbolic event explaining exactly what had gone wrong in that second astral projection: an unconscious part of myself was thinking that the astral planes were foreign lands that cannot be trusted, and was afraid that my experiences there would damage my body and mind. It thought that what happened there was fake and unreal, even though it looked real. I am still very grateful that my ego allowed the experiences in the first place.
5. A short unusual one
(June 19, 2014)
It is early morning, around 6:00am. I am still sleeping, having a regular non-lucid dream in which I am sitting cross-legged on a chair, meditating. Note: I am never meditating in this position by the way, I always lie down. While I am still in the dream and not lucid, the meditation triggers the familiar body vibration sensations, and those wake me up! Once awake in my bed, still vibrating, I continue the meditation and the vibrations intensify, together with the buzzing sounds.
These sensations go on for a long time, varying in intensity. They sometimes get so intense that I am wondering if I am not having a grand-mal seizure, which obviously I am not since I am conscious. It feels almost violent, like my teeth are going to fly out. At times, I feel like my bed is sinking down fast, and I see the square ceiling get smaller and smaller, then I go back up. Even though the ceiling I see does not look at all like my real ceiling, this fact escapes my notice, and I do not realize that I have already transitioned. I am still thinking that I am awake in my bed, waiting to shift. At some point, I decide that I had enough of these crazy sensations, get up from bed, and go to the kitchen for breakfast.
That’s when I notice that I am on a dirt road, and as far as I know, there is no dirt road going from my bedroom to my kitchen… Ah, I realize right then that I have shifted. I look around and the landscape is magnificent: the dirt road I am on overlooks a beautiful reddish-colored rocky desert landscape. I decide to follow the dirt road, which leads to a forest. I soon start losing lucidity, and then finally wake up.
This short experience is one of the rare ones that did not follow the usual pattern: it did not occur after a long meditation in the middle of the night. Instead, it happened as I was waking up from a dream later in the morning.
6. First aborted transition
(July 15, 2014)
I wake up at 3:00am again, and can’t go back to sleep. So, I start to get excited that maybe I’ll achieve another astral projection this night. I lie down on my back and start meditating. After a long time, I hear my husband enter the room to go to bed, and soon after, I start feeling the body vibrations. Note: This means that I spent at least two hours meditating, because my husband later told me that he went to bed at 5:00am.
I focus my attention on the vibrations, and decide to do some experiments. I try to accelerate them by just willing them to do so. And they do! They go from low frequency to high frequency, kind of like a plane propeller spinning slowly first then faster till it gets blurry. As they get faster, the vibrations start to get more intense and rougher, and then, suddenly, I hear a very loud roaring sound soar from my feet up to my head, extremely fast, like wildfire. It sounds and feels exactly as if a jet engine is passing right above me. At the same time as it reaches my head, I see a ring of light, and in that instant, my state of mind translates as ‘Woohoo, I am about to be launched into dreamland, at the far end of the multiverse! Launch me, baby!’
Right then, all the sensations abruptly stop, and I find myself fully awake in my bed. My heart is racing, I am breathing fast, and it feels like my whole system is pumped with adrenaline. I start sweating. It feels like a big bucket of ice water has just been dumped on my enthusiasm. It is the first time that the vibration stage aborts, and up to this point I did not even know this could happen. I am hugely disappointed. I just spent a good part of the night awake, with no result.
As the daylight appears, I finally fall asleep. I am having a non-lucid dream where I am in the bathroom with my husband, getting ready for the day. I am upset because the sink is clogged, and the toilet tank is leaking all over the floor. That’s when I realize that the sink is square-shaped, whereas our real sink is oval-shaped… Ah, I realize right there that I am dreaming! Unfortunately, I am not able to reach a good clarity: everything looks foggy and disconnected. I wish to fly up to outer space, but nothing happens. I then will myself to BE in outer space, nothing happens either. At some point, the dreamscape collapses, and I find myself in the void. There I decide to try contacting Bashar, but instead, I start seeing a faint picture take form in the void: it looks like the head of a grey alien emerging from the shadows right in front of me. I can see his left eye, large and all black, and the left side of his face, with the large protruding skull. Then it fades out. After that, I am back in another fuzzy and foggy dreamscape. There I decide to meet my higher self, but nothing happens either, and I finally wake up.
Interestingly, I was to some degree aware of my physical body while I was having this lucid dream. I could feel my body lying on its left side, on and off. It was the first time that I did not have complete sensory disconnection. One thing to note is that this experience occurred while I was on a three-week course of antibiotics and antifungals for an intestinal infection. These were making me brain-fogged during the day, so possibly they also affected this experience.
7. Astral marathon
(July 29, 2014)
It is 12:30am and stomach pains just woke me up. In the past two years, most of my chronic health issues have resolved, expect for the gastrointestinal disturbances, which still come and go. Waking up in pain is not unusual for me, and I then have no other choice than to get up and walk around the house for an hour or two until the pain subsides, drinking as much water as I can. At 2:00am I am finally feeling better, and as I go back to bed, I decide to try inducing a projection again. I follow my usual routine, laying down in bed on my back, and meditating until the vibrations come.
About an hour later, the familiar body vibrations start. This time, they are smoother, and there are no audio buzzing sounds. After a while of feeling the vibrations, a window appears in front of me. I eagerly propel myself headfirst through it, and on the other side, I find myself high in the blue sky, flying above green plains. I have full lucidity and clarity, the colors are bright, and the feeling of freedom and expansiveness is awesome. Note that this was the first time that there were no audio buzzing sounds preceding the transition and also the first time that a visual image manifested itself at the point of transition.
From above, I notice a person walking down in the plain. I fly down to take a closer look, and recognize someone I had a secret crush on twenty years ago. He looks like he is in a daze, almost as if he is sleep-walking. Without premeditation, I have the impulse to kiss him and do so. I observe that all the mouth sensations are there, including the wetness. I notice that I seem to have manifested a mouth for this activity, while the rest of my body looks like ephemeral vapor suspended in the air. I must be looking like a flying mouth affixed to a ghost body…
I then ask to experience my higher self, and I immediately find myself back in my body with the familiar vibration sensations. While vibrating in this state, I remember the negative symptoms that followed my 4th experience and decide to check how my brain is doing. Instantly, I find myself looking at my physical forehead from about three feet away. I am not seeing anything else than my forehead: I kind of zoomed in on it, and I am not paying attention to the rest of my body or the physical room. There is a very bright and very intense beam of light shooting out of my physical forehead, maybe two inches in diameter and extending one foot out. It is whitish/bluish-colored, and looks like an intense electric plasma arc, buzzing and vibrating. There is a tremendous feeling of vibrations all over me while I am observing this scene. The following knowing comes to me: ‘Yes, it is very intense, but look, it is working beautifully now.’ I just know all is fine.
I do not remember all of what followed. I know I went back and forth several times between astral planes and my vibrating body. Once, I was in a kind of cartoon dreamscape consisting of three 2D layers containing static Disney characters. Nothing was really happening there, so I moved elsewhere. In another plane, I was flying next to an airplane, trying to hang to a part of it. Several times, I practiced moving through windows and walls to change the landscape: on the other side, I would find myself in a completely different environment with enhanced clarity. That was exhilarating.
At some point, I am standing on the ground somewhere when I decide to try experiencing my higher self again. This time, I have the impulse to just sink into the ground. and find myself in the middle of some kind of dark rocky cave. I am looking around, wondering what this has to do with my higher self, when I notice a path in the rocks. I get closer, and notice that there are engravings in the rock all along the center of the path. I walk along the path, inspecting the engravings: they remind me of the code numbers in The Matrix movie. There also are names, dates, and other symbols engraved. Then I notice something else: there are loose LEGO bricks of various colors and shapes, scattered on top of the engravings. The path in the cave with the engraved symbols and the loose LEGO bricks, later struck me as highly symbolic. After the experience, I did wonder if it could represent my life path as well as tools at my disposition to manifest my reality as I go.
I am now back in my body, lying in my bed. All is quiet, I do not feel any vibrations, yet I have a feeling that I am not awake. I notice that there is someone standing next to my bed, on the right side of my head. I only see his body outline: he is all black, kind of like molten black metal, with a thin white border around his body outline. He is of adult size, and has a muscular male stature. I try to move and to talk to him, to let him know that I have seen him and know that he is there, but I find myself completely paralyzed and unable to talk. It reminds me of sleep paralysis, except that I have no fear what-so-ever. The next morning, I asked my husband if he came close to my bed that night, and he said no. So, it wasn’t him I saw there.
I then slept for a while, and woke up around 5:00am to use the bathroom, then I went back to bed and fell asleep quickly.
I am now dreaming that I am walking in my residential neighborhood, when I suddenly become lucid. Right there, I decide to go meet Bashar, and I immediately find myself being sucked upward, into something that looks like a large circular flying saucer, immobile in the air just above the houses. I find myself in a room that looks like a plain conference room, with rows of chairs facing a white projection screen. I am sitting there, alone in the audience, listening to a guy giving a lecture about how things work in this place. I am not listening to a word of what he is saying. I am getting impatient and I cannot understand why I need to listen to this stuff before I can go on. Finally, the presentation is over and I am directed to a door leading to a tiny corridor. Again, it looks just like a plain corridor one would find in an old Earth apartment. I am hurrying through the corridor, but quickly come to a dead end. I get frustrated because I really want to meet Bashar and cannot stand all these delays. I try moving through the walls as I did in my astral projections earlier that night, but there is nothing on the other side. After I struggle for a while, someone comes to help me and lead me to the exit.
As I exit the corridor, I find myself in a magnificent outdoors landscape: it is a grassy plain with tall grasses of beautiful saturated colors: yellows, pale greens and oranges. While it looks a bit like a large field of grass one would find on Earth, the colors and the grass appearance are different. There also are trees of similar coloring, but they too look different than Earth trees. They remind me a bit of African baobabs with wide trunks and tiny branches on top covered in small leaves. I notice that there is now someone walking next to me, and I recognize April, who works with Darryl Anka at Bashar Communications. I have never met either of them, but I have seen her on recordings. I ask her whether we are on Earth or somewhere else, and she says somewhere else. I ask her why the trees look so Earth-like, and she answers something that makes sense, but later would not remember what. I also ask her if the bodies we have here are the same as our Earth bodies, and she says they look the same but they are different. Note that it is the first time that I have a back and forth interaction with someone in my lucid dreams and astral projections.
We have now arrived to an old three-story stone building, standing on the top of a low hill. A couple of people are waiting inside by the door to greet us. I step in, look around and see that there is a living room on the left side. I spot someone lying down on a couch in a corner of the living room: this being looks extremely old and extremely frail, with a large head. I assume it is Bashar, push everyone out of my way and rush to his side. I zoom in on his right eye: it is large, light-colored, with two large eyelids and two smaller ones that look like membranes. It is not at all what I was expecting to see, but nevertheless I enthusiastically offer my heart. Right at this moment, I feel myself being powerfully sucked backwards, as if sucked by a giant vacuum cleaner. It is a very jarring sensation, and there is no resistance possible. Next thing I know, I am inside a dark room. There is nothing at all. It is not the same thing as the void, just a completely dark room. Two large symbols looking a bit like golden keys appear in front of me. They slowly join and form a pattern where they cross each other. I get the following insight: ‘This symbol means rejection.’ Interestingly, I am not disappointed or reacting negatively, I am just completely surprised.
This ends a long night of astral marathon!
It is the first time that I manifested a body part and enjoyed tactile sensations with it. In my previous experiences, I had not felt like I had a body and had been wondering about it. Note that while projected, I do not seem to have my usual levels of fear and conditionings: I am fearless and uninhibited, spontaneous and completely in the present moment. There is very little thinking and planning. The fact that kissing a sleep-walking character might not be a moral thing to do did not even cross my mind.
I still do not know what this intense beam of light coming out of my forehead represents, but after this experience I started suspecting that the negative symptoms that I had previously experienced had to do with getting used to these higher levels of energy. This is just a speculation on my part, but maybe conscious projections involve energy interactions with the brain of a level beyond what is normally experienced. Maybe this is also why my first experiences involved very intense and jarring vibrations and buzzing sounds, while the later ones were much smoother: maybe my body just needed to get used these new levels of energetic activity.
Finally, I was very puzzled by the whole Bashar lucid dream experience. Nothing in this experience was as I would have expected it, including the ship, which was circular whereas Bashar always described his as being triangular. Recently, after further experiences, I have started suspecting that each time, I am experiencing a different ‘version’ of him reflecting unconscious aspects of myself. I might be discovering my own inner world, with my higher-self using the ‘Bashar idea’ as a carrot dangling from a stick to make me move forward in the astral planes. Just a thought.
Update #1: I am looking into EYE, into ‘I’
Today 7/31/15, almost exactly one year after the above experience, I had an epiphany while reading the recent blog post of a friend: In this experience last year, I was looking directly into Bashar’s right eye. I was looking into EYE, into ‘I’. That’s what was rejected! I rejected myself! How incredibly amazing.
And this reminds me of what Bashar often says: “You have to meet yourself before you can meet us”. And that they are beings who do not deny any aspects of who they are, and whoever interacts with them face to face will have to rise to this level: there cannot be any denial of anything.
Update #2: Membrane-like eyelid
On 7/22/16, I ran into an animation of a blinking ET on Facebook. I was very surprised because the eyes seen in that fictional animation very much reminded me of what I saw in the above experience! Two large eyelids, and a membrane-like one wiping the eye! I wrote that I saw two of those, there was only one in the animation, but other than that it was similar! How interesting, I don’t remember ever seeing something like that before!
Author unknown
I asked a friend who does a lot of research about ET contact if he’s ever heard accounts describing such membrane wiper-like eyelids and he replied that he has, but only rarely and it was involving reptilian ET’s. What I saw definitely wasn’t reptilian. I have seen several kinds of reptilian beings in a vivid dream last year, but they were looking completely different. So, it is a mystery, but how fascinating!
8. Dreamlike projection
(August 12, 2014)
I wake up at 5:00am and decide to attempt a projection. After a relatively short time meditating, I start feeling the vibrations. This time, the vibration sensations are very smooth and almost pleasant. They feel like crisscrossing waves of energy all over my body. I focus my awareness on these vibration sensations for a while, and then a little Superman cartoon character appears in my field of view, flying up in the dark. I focus my attention on this vision, trying to reach for his hand, and this does the trick: I transition.
I am now in a plain room, deciding what to do next. I am not going to elaborate on what I decide to do, since it’s more of the same thing. Let me just say that some can’t take no for an answer and can’t let any stones unturned to reach their goal, even in the astral realms. Anyways, my attempts do not succeed, and what happens instead is the following: I find myself standing in a room with a large window on the left side, and tables and chairs against a wall on the right side. It is darkish, maybe early dawn. I do not recognize the place. A couple feet in front of me, a man is standing facing me. He is thin, possibly in his 50’s, with grey hair (I think it is long in a ponytail, but I am not sure). It is not someone I know, and I have no idea who he is. We are having a conversation, or some kind of information exchange. I can feel intense energy sensations in my heart center, as if we are exchanging energy back and forth at the heart level. It is an extremely pleasant feeling. Later I would not be able to remember what this meeting was about.
At some point we are done, and I am left alone in the room. I decide to shift to another place by going through the large window, as I did many times in my previous experience, but this time it does not work. I find out I cannot pass through the window; instead, it is deforming like an elastic membrane and bounces me back in. I try a couple times with the same result, then decide to try sinking into the ground instead. This works, and I find myself in a lighted underground tunnel. A small train arrives. I hop on it, and arrive in a large underground facility that looks like a secret military base. There are large windows with what looks like biological labs on the other side. At this point, things start becoming more dreamlike, with a story plot and characters appearing. My two kids are now by my side, and curiously I don’t find it odd that they just appeared out of nowhere. I am now also very aware of having a physical body that looks and feels just like my physical one. I shortly dissociate from myself to take a look at my face from a few feet away, and marvel at the fact that my face looks just like my real one (though normally I don’t see it from that angle). Everybody is wearing a military uniform except me and my kids, and I realize that we might get in trouble since we obviously don’t fit in the scenery. Right then, an officer shows up and asks us what we are doing here. Spontaneously, I invent a story and tell him that they are the general’s kids visiting, and I am their nanny. This seems to work and he lets us go. I spot a door in the wall and decide to leave the place.
On the other side, I find myself on what looks like the outdoors terrace of a restaurant: there are several tables and chairs, and it is overlooking a beautiful landscape. The sky is magnificent, with fiery pink and orange colors. It looks like it is dawn (or dusk). Right then, I remind myself that I am in dreamland and can just fly up in this beautiful sky if I so choose, and I do so! This is one of my favorite activities to do while projected: flying freely high in the sky, looking at the landscape under me. I notice a group of wild horses running down in the plain, and wonder how it would feel like to ride one of those horses in the sky. Instantaneously, one of them rises up and I ride it through the clouds. I can feel his back and observe his shoulder muscles move as he is running. He is white with large brown spots; his mane is flying around in the wind in front of me. I am considering adding wings to it, to make it look like Pegasus, but this does not work. It does not matter, it is still great to ride a horse in the sky at sunrise!
Then I lose lucidity and wake up around 7:00am.
9. First projection inside my house
(August 31, 2014)
I wake up at 3:45am and start meditating. Every now and then, I visualize a black triangle surrounded by blue light, which Bashar says is his civilization’s ‘phone number’. After a while, the vibrations come. This time, I am determined to make this work, since a previous transition attempt ten days earlier had failed at the vibration stage. I make sure to focus my awareness on the vibrations themselves, and not on my body. I try rolling over, then sitting up, but nothing happens; I am not shifting. I then ask for help, and instantly see arms reaching for me. I try to grab the hands to pull myself out. I also remember seeing colorful shapes spinning. I don’t know what exactly did the trick, but suddenly, I transition.
I find myself in the corridor leading to our bedroom. I hear a crunching sound and see that I am stepping in the middle of empty gift bags that are littering the floor. I step out and move to the kitchen. Everything is very dark with a greyish glow to it. It feels much ‘heavier’ than my usual astral projections. I feel like I am gliding above the floor rather than walking. I look around the kitchen and notice that while the kitchen layout looks similar to the physical one, there is a microscope station in place of the fridge. I then move to the glass door leading from our kitchen to the patio and notice that the patio TV is on; I can hear the program sound. I wonder what it would feel like to pass through the ‘real’ glass door and attempt to do so, paying attention to every sensation. As I am half-way through it, I suddenly find myself back in bed in my body.
Right after that, I am not sure how, I find myself in the house corridor again. This time I decide to go see my kids sleeping in their room. I glide to their bedroom at the other end of the house. I arrive in front of the wooden door leading to their room, and I am about to attempt going through it when a snoring sound coming from my husband suddenly sucks me back into my body.
I know other things happened during this experience, but cannot remember much, except that everything was dark and dull. I remember missing the bright and colorful planes, and trying to go through walls to shift there, without success. Note that if I was projecting in real time inside my house, it makes sense that it was all dark since it must have been 5:00am.
That evening, before falling asleep, I had been thinking that if one day I manage to project inside my house, I would go to my kids’ room and see if I can get some non-physical clues about what is wrong with one of my kids’ health issues. Maybe that’s why I ended up inside my house in this projection, even though I did not manage to enter his room.
Normally our patio TV is off at night. I should have asked my husband that morning if the TV had stayed on that night, but forgot to do so. Concerning the fridge and gift bag discrepancies, I have been thinking later that they might possibly be symbolic thought forms. Possibly, the empty gift bags at our bedroom’s entrance could symbolize all the gifts me and my husband got from the trials and tribulations we went through in our relationship. The microscope station in place of the fridge could symbolize all the work I did over the years with diet and probiotics in my quest to recover myself and my son from our body and brain issues.
10. Two months of failures
(September – October 2014)
I am lumping two months of experiences here. During this time, I made several projection attempts, and each time I was able to reach the vibration stage, but I was not able to transition. After a few seconds, the vibrations would just stop, and I would find myself awake in my bed. I would then continue the meditation, and the vibrations would come back a few minutes later, then stop again. It would go on like that, starting and stopping, until I would finally give up. Several times, I felt a pulling sensation in my belly, a couple inches below my belly button, right before the vibrations stopped.
During these two months, I did not get any lucid dreams either, and was barely able to recall my normal dreams. This was distressing. Up to this point, almost all my projection attempts had succeeded, yet now, all my attempts were failing. I started wondering if I would ever succeed again. There was nothing in my waking life that could have explained this dry spell: no illnesses, nothing out of the ordinary.
In two of my many attempts, I had very short experiences that I barely remember. Both were very short projections inside my house, where I had almost no control. In one of them, I saw a man standing next to my husband’s bed. He was partially bald, dark hair, a bit heavy-set, wearing an atrocious pink-purple suit and tie. I flew to him while making some really weird sounds. That is all I remember. I have no idea what this was about or who this man was.
In the other short projection, I found myself standing in our bedroom, and immediately felt pulled upward as if I was a helium balloon. I rapidly passed through the roof, flew up the blue sky, until I reached a kind of ceiling in the sky. Beyond that limit, everything was brown, murky and heavy, like a very thick brown fog. I quickly lost lucidity despite attempts to focus on my hands, and I woke up.
11. The wormhole
(October 26, 2014)
After two months of failed attempts, I had decided to stop trying and take a break for a while. Not long after that decision, the following happened.
A noise wakes me up at 5:50am. I realize that I have lost an earplug, so I get up to get another one and go back to bed. Since I am not able to go back to sleep right away, I do some light meditation for a while, then roll over and fall asleep. I am having a few non-lucid dreams, and one of them goes as follows: I am visiting an art expo with my husband and tell him that the painter uses DMT on a regular basis. I go on and explain to him that many of the people who visit this expo also regularly use DMT and other psychedelics, so that this place is full of DMT vibes and simply spending some time here will raise our DMT levels. (Alex Grey must have been the inspiration for this dream.)
A while later, I wake up feeling the familiar body vibrations. I am still curled on my left side, which is not the usual supine position that I normally adopt when I attempt a projection. My heart immediately starts racing, because I am very excited to feel the vibrations, yet I am also very worried that I will again fail to transition. I know that being so worried is counterproductive, yet there is nothing I can do about it, and it makes the matter even worse. Nevertheless, I focus my awareness inwards, and feel the vibrations increase in intensity. I then start to get visuals. I focus my attention on those, and they come into sharp focus to form constellations of stars in a night sky. The whole starry landscape starts rotating, faster and faster, until there is just one ring of light left in the center. This ring of light starts stretching into a tunnel of light, and I eagerly fly through it. As I am flying forward through it, new segments of light appear, bending around. It looks like a semi-transparent tunnel of white light bending around through dark space, made of multiple connecting segments. Later it would occur to me that the term ‘wormhole’ would perfectly fit, because it looks like a hole through space and has segments like a worm…
At the end of the tunnel, I emerge out in space right above an amazing landscape that looks lunar in color, but that is covered in tons of huge rocks. It looks like I just emerged on an asteroid or something like that. I know I then shifted to another landscape but don’t remember anything past this point. Shortly thereafter, I wake up with my heart still racing, feeling the adrenaline rush through my body. It is 7:45am.
This was my very first time experiencing a tunnel of light at the point of transition. That was awesome. Even though this experience had been very short, I still considered it a success and was very happy with it after all the previous failures. Note that it was the second time that I had a projection later in the morning (I normally wake up at 6:50am, so 7:45 is late for me). Like in experience #5, I did not fully lose contact with my body this time. Part of my awareness was still in my body, I could feel it the whole time, lying on my left side, breathing, my heart pumping.
Another interesting fact is that I had had ‘energy sensations’ the day before, like a buzzing feeling around my body, as well as an increase in intestinal motility (to use politically-correct wording). I had also noticed that everything in my yard was looking vibrant. When I woke up at 5:50am that morning, I also had some energy sensations at the back of my neck. For the past two months, when I was not able to project, I had had zero energy sensations while awake, and everything was looking dull, to the point where I had been wondering if ‘my frequency had dropped’ and what to do about it. I am now wondering if there are natural ups and downs in energy for me, and projections are easier when the energy is high. I actually now think I can tell by the way I feel in my body as well as by looking around at how vibrant things look and how saturated the colors are.
Update: Arcturian gate?
On May 29, 2015, I finally gave in and joined Facebook. I already made so many interesting connections that my head is spinning. One of my new friends also blogs about her OBEs. I only had time to read a couple of her posts, but in one of them I read something similar to what I described above: “…he was showing me the trillions of stars in the universe. He began to spin them all around in a circle shape, … and he continued to spin the stars into the shape of a ring. It is challenging for me to find the words for the depth of emotion I felt in this scene.” Then just two days later, while I was browsing through Vashta Narada’s galactic art page, the following picture attracted my attention. Here again, we see a fast-spinning starry sky. I asked Vashta what inspired her to this scene, and she replied that it is an Arcturian gate/corridor… I find this interesting, since in my case I indeed flew through a tunnel of light that appeared in the center of the rotating starry sky. Interesting ‘coincidences’…
Author: Vashta Narada Vashta.com
12. Space
(October 30, 2014)
I wake up at 3:00am and cannot go right back to sleep. I take this as an invitation to try projecting. I pray for help from ‘the other side’ to achieve this goal, then review in my mind what I intend to do if I succeed. I decide that I would ask my subconscious to ‘show me things’. I start the meditation, but find it is more difficult than usual; my mind feels ‘noisy’. Also, I keep having itches. Finally, I am able to relax and meditate for a while, until I become so uncomfortable that I have to stop. I roll over on my left side and decide to let myself drift into sleep.
Just as I am starting to drift into sleep, the vibrations unexpectedly start. This time, it is immediately obvious that they are strong and steady, and I am not worried about them abruptly stopping. They feel like a well-oiled motor that is not threatening to stall. The vibrations become more intense when I focus my awareness inwards and less intense when I focus outwards. This time it is not easy to transition; it takes a long time. I am trying to focus on the hypnagogic imagery that appears every now and then, but this time it does not seem to work. I keep seeing the ceiling, try to grab something to pull myself to it, without success. By the way, it was not my real ceiling; this one had footprints on it.
Suddenly, I don’t know exactly how, I find myself standing in the middle of a grassy valley, and I know I transitioned. Oftentimes I emerge from the transition flying over a landscape, but this time I am standing on the ground. I immediately decide to anchor myself and increase clarity by jumping up and down, then drop down on my knees to smell the grass and feel it with my hands. I observe that the soil looks like Earth soil and the grass is thin, sparse and short, certainly not like the grass I have in my yard. It still looks like Earth grass though, but not the kind I am used to. I absolutely LOVE this stage right after I transition: it is so awesome to find myself totally immersed in these vibrant, alive and 3-dimensional landscapes.
As I am observing my environment, I see a brown horse come my way. There is someone riding on its back. I decide I would love to ride this horse, and spontaneously ‘get rid of the rider’ (I am not sure how I did this, I might have willed him away; I don’t remember. Once again, I don’t know manners or restraint in the astral). I approach the horse, and that’s when I notice that it has long brown hair, and its head looks a bit different than Earthly horses: it looks like a cross between a horse head, a bear head, and a dog head. I try to grab its neck, but it snaps its teeth at me and I see aggression in its eyes. It wants nothing to do with me. I just let it go and consider what to do next. There are no windows or walls to pass through. I try sinking into the ground, but nothing happens.
At this point there is a blank in my memory. I vaguely remember finding myself somewhere else and asking my subconscious to show me ‘alien stuff’. From this point on, it felt as if I had an invisible presence next to me guiding me. I did not question this, just took it for granted. It almost felt like ‘thoughts next to my own’, something very discreet and unobtrusive.
I am now flying in space. There are stars all over. I notice an area of space where there is a large circular area that is all black, with no stars. Intrigued, I fly in this direction. In the center of this starless area, there is a spherical object, made of a material looking like sanded aluminum. That sphere is not that big, maybe 30 feet diameter or less. There are large colorful band markings over its surface, and a large three-part door or latch that is very thick. I pass through this door and find myself inside something that looks like a big warehouse. It is interesting that it looked much bigger inside than it did outside. After waking up I wondered if this was a multidimensional ship of some kind.
Inside this ‘warehouse’, I see many people, of two different types. The first type looks just like Earth humans; they are dressed in various clothing that is similar to what one would see on Earth. I am wondering if they can see me, so I wave and smile to a random person and she waves and smiles back at me. Nobody else is paying attention to me though; if they saw me they certainly are not finding it extraordinary. The second type of being in that place also looks human, but they are shorter and thinner, and are all dressed in green jumpsuits. I think their skin is yellow or green, but I am not sure. They seem to be all moving in synch. I then find myself back in space, in the middle of asteroids. I see them drifting by me. I am surprised to see that on some of the asteroids, there are small buildings and pools. These asteroids look like cruise ships in space! It looks like something out of a dream that does not make sense.
I know I went other places and saw other things, but unfortunately when I woke up, I could not remember much beyond this point. I remember reflecting to myself that this time, the adventures were lasting very long and that there was a lot to see. I probably forgot most it. One thing I remember is asking to experience more of my higher self. Not much happened; I had trouble formulating a strong and clear request. I also asked ‘Clarity Now!’ several times with no noticeable effects. What worked best to increase clarity was to focus on something. I also remember asking on several occasions to see Bashar. My heart wasn’t too much into it anymore, so passion was lacking. What I remember is the following:
I find myself in a funerary room, and a coffin is pulled out from the wall. I know Bashar’s body is in it. There is a pamphlet on a nearby table, explaining what happened. Unfortunately, I cannot decipher the words, which are in an alphabet unknown to me, looking very geometrical in shape. I am not sure what this whole scene was about; I did not get insights this time, or forgot them. I know it must have been symbolic of something, since I had heard Bashar say several times that when they die, their bodies just transform right away back to energy. Maybe it was symbolic of the fact that this stage of my quest was over.
Things then start to get boring and clarity is lacking, so I decide to wake up to write everything down. I wake up in my bed and notice that it is already daylight; my husband is in the bathroom getting ready for work. I write down as much as I can, then go back to bed and fall asleep. I have a few non-lucid dreams, then wake up again. To my surprise, it is only 5:25am; everything is dark, and my husband is still sleeping! I realize that I had a false awakening earlier; I did not really write anything down, and have now forgotten most of my adventures.
Update: Landscaped neighborhoods on asteroids
Today 5/6/15, I was absentmindedly surfing my old web favorites while listening to a radio show when I randomly came across the following entry relating a DMT trip, dated 3/24/15: “Crash landing in deep space asteroid suburbs“. This part attracted my attention: “… I spun some more and saw a field of asteroids ahead. They were bunched rather close together. … As I came closer to the asteroids, I could see neighborhoods built upon these asteroids. Each house had its own protective dome. …” I find it very interesting that the poster saw asteroids with landscaped neighborhoods on them, just like I did. Where does that stuff come from? Definitely not from my imagination, I thought it looked so weird when I saw it. I wonder if he saw pools in backyards like I did…
13. A blissful dot of light
(November 9, 2014)
I wake up at 4:30am and cannot go right back to sleep. I am thinking about projections, but I am not actively trying to initiate one. While drifting back to sleep, I suddenly notice some hypnagogic imagery. This realization triggers the vibrations. While I am vibrating, I suddenly feel an intense itch on my skin in the third eye area, then feel something ‘popping’ in there, and this sensation wakes me up for good. I then have to physically rub that area with my fingers to ease the itch.
A while later, I fall asleep and dream that I am standing in a crowd in a large room, possibly in a school, or in a large community room. It might be a reunion or a party of some kind. I am talking to someone I seem to know well (but I do not know this person in real life, neither the location we were in). At some point we decide to leave the room to take a walk outside. It is night-time, we see the stars in the sky. We keep talking while observing the stars (I would not remember what we were talking about). That’s when I notice that there are lights in the sky arranged in a semi-elliptical fashion, slowly rotating, as if they were lights along the edge of a circular flying saucer. I comment to myself that if I could astral project right there, I could just fly straight into this spaceship to meet its occupants! This last thought triggers the realization that I am already dreaming, so of course I can just fly up into this ship! And that is exactly what I do.
Now here is a blank. I have no idea what happened past the point where I am flying up toward the ship. The next thing I remember is the following:
I have a brilliant dot of light in my left hand. It looks like a very bright little star, emitting an intense white light with a golden hue. This light spreads from my hand up to my left arm, then to the left side of my body and the right side of my body. All this happens very quickly. It goes all over, except the central axis of my body, and it feels like a full-body orgasm. I would not remember where I was while this was happening; I was completely focused on this light and on the sensations. I woke up right after that non-physical ‘climax’.
A couple days before that experience, I had been discussing on-line with some friends about the fact that I had trouble understanding why everyone sounds so interested in having sex in lucid dreams. This had never crossed my mind – after all we have physical bodies and spouses for that – and I was almost feeling like I was abnormal. I then stated that if one day I would meet some willing beings in the astral, I might want to see how it would feel to merge our spirits together and to have a kind of ‘spiritual sex’, because I was betting it would feel much better than physical sex. I didn’t think more about this after that discussion, but maybe that is what inspired the above experience.
14. The concrete room
(December 2nd, 2014)
Note: the day before (a Monday), I had had a private Skype session with a channeler, after which I reached a state of bliss that lasted until Tuesday evening. The following projection occurred the night between Monday and Tuesday, while I was in the middle of this.
I wake up at 2:30am after sleeping less than a couple hours. I am still feeling extremely high; my whole body, every cell, is flooded with energy. As I am lying there in bed in the dark, fully in the moment and just enjoying this state, I wonder what would happen if I project while I am so high. I place myself in the meditative state and wait. After a while, my body starts to feel a bit uncomfortable, so I roll over. Shortly afterwards, the vibrations start, very intense. Again, the vibration stage lasts a long time, and it is not easy to transition.
At some point I notice that I am trying to lift my body off the ground. In contrary to what I thought, I am not lying down in my bed: I am lying directly on a concrete floor. That makes me realize that I have already transitioned. I touch the concrete under me, feeling its roughness, and I look at it very closely, to increase clarity. I look around and see that I am in a room with a high ceiling; the entire room is made of plain unfinished concrete; there are small windows high up close to the ceiling. There is a cot in the corner, and several tables and stools made of metal painted a bright color. It looks like I am inside a prison cell. Even though the windows are small and high up, the whole place is bright, vibrant, and well lighted. I am completely alone.
I see a doorway and decide to exit this room. Outside, I find myself on a large concrete highway flooded with light. I wake up shortly thereafter. I do not remember seeing any cars or anyone on this highway.
Even though I was in a very high state when this projection took place, the vibration stage and the transition were similar to what I usually experience. It certainly wasn’t any easier. I was surprised that this projection was so short and that I ended up in something looking like a prison cell, even though I was feeling so high in the physical. Once again, I got the unexpected.
Update a year later, 1/9/16:
The entity I spoke to in the Skype session mentioned above is Ocyphius, channeled by Roxanne Swainhart. I was surprised to hear Ocyphius say the following in a video titled ‘A Wondrous Day’, published on 10/29/2015: “Step out of the prison cell, the door is open” with a discussion following about stepping out of the box we limit our reality with. I find that so interesting, because that’s exactly what had happened in the astral projection above, almost a year earlier: just a day after this private Skype session with Ocyphius, I had that astral projection where I precisely found myself in a prison cell, and stepped out the front door – which was open – onto a brightly-lit highway! This experience did not make sense back then, it is starting to make sense now, especially in light of what happened recently.
15. A dream encounter with my grandmother
(December 4th, 2014)
I am having a non-lucid dream where I am standing at the edge of a large indoor pool. I see an elderly couple dressed in white enter the pool area. The lady is going too fast, slips and falls straight into the pool, sliding all the way to the other end. I rush to where she is hanging on to the edge, to help her out, but by the time I reach that spot, she has already been helped.
I exit the pool area, and am now in the hallway of the building. I notice someone standing at the end of the hallway, and recognize my maternal grandmother, deceased about 10 years ago. I instantly become fully lucid, and immediately realize that this is a great opportunity to interact with her. She looks radiant, and younger than when she passed, but she is not in her prime: she looks like she might be in her 70’s and she is a bit heavyset, but her skin is flawless. The most striking features are the radiance around her face, and the eye contact.
We embrace, and she happily exclaims that I look so beautiful. I tell her she does too, and ask her how she is doing and what she is up to here. I want to know all about it! I enthusiastically say: ‘Can you believe how great all this is!’ I was still high from the bliss experience I had a few days earlier, and everything was still looking pretty rosy, even in my dreams. Just after I make that statement, her facial expression hardens, she stops smiling, and she looks at me in disbelief. The experience immediately terminates and I wake up.
I am not sure what triggered this abrupt change, but I had a feeling it had to do with my expression of enthusiasm at finding all of Creation so wonderful. When she was alive, she was a very anxious pessimistic (the apples don’t fall far from the tree) who was terrified of dying. She looked happy at the beginning of our encounter, though…
It was the second time I was meeting a deceased relative in a dream, but in the other experience, I was not lucid and only realized what had happened after I woke up.
16. Close encounter of the Xth kind
(January 4th, 2015)
The evening before this experience, something happened that might be worth mentioning:
It is about 10:00pm and I am closing our garage door for the night. As I am standing on our driveway, facing east, I look up in the night sky and see the Orion constellation about half way up. Right above it, there is the moon, almost full. This sight of the moon next to the Orion constellation just takes my breath away. I feel something like a siren call. I immediately think of Bashar, and how badly I would love to meet him. Since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with space and Sci-Fi, and there is NOTHING that would excite me more than to experience contact with highly intelligent non-human beings. I would sacrifice everything for that. During my materialistic years, I satisfied this yearning by reading as much Sci-Fi as I could put my hands on and indulging in fantasies; the more romance in there, the better.
Later that night, I spontaneously wake up at 3:00am. I debate whether or not to attempt a projection, because my energy levels have felt a bit low in the past two weeks, and I have been sleeping a lot more than normal. Finally, I decide to give it a try anyway. I pray for help and then review what I intend to so if I succeed. I decide I would try to contact Bashar again, or my guides, or the Word’s guides (those are beings Paul Selig is channeling, whose books have helped me a lot). I tell myself that even though my previous attempts at contacting Bashar were not successful, the past is the past, and now I am a different person; it might be worth trying again. I start the meditation, stopping every now and then to visualize a black triangle surrounded by blue light, over a black background. I almost doze off several times and feel very sleepy. My ears ring several times. (This type of ringing was not at all the same thing as the buzzing sounds I used to hear in my head during transition; the ringing that night was just plain ringing directly inside the ears, which occurs rarely for me.)
Finally, the vibrations come. They go up and down in intensity, and almost stop a few times, then take off again. Suddenly, I see a window of light; I try to launch myself through it but it feels as if I do not have enough momentum to do so. I finally make it through and find myself in space, flying very fast, with stars all over. There is a huge drive within me, and the way I am feeling at this moment could translate as ‘I am going to make it to my target this time and nothing will stop me’. I arrive to a kind of limit in space, manifesting as an infinite wall made of huge black hexagonal tiles arranged in a honeycomb pattern. The insight that comes to me is that this wall represents a shift to a parallel universe. I fly through this wall, and on the other side, all is black.
At this point there is a blank in my memory. I know I continued on, but can’t remember anything specific. The next thing I remember is the following:
I am now on the ground somewhere, maybe on another planet or on a large ship, I don’t know. I am moving fast along a path. I am passing over a small bridge, and on the left side of the path I see something looking like a large field where many beings are working. They all look humanoid and very white. I feel a very strong urge within me to find the one I am looking for. In the crowd of beings, I spot one that has a slight color glow that distinguishes it from the others, and I immediately know that this is the one I am looking for. (After I woke up I would not remember exactly what that color was, it might have been pink or orange). I go straight to him and enthusiastically hug him. For an instant, I can feel him pull away from me in surprise, but then he seems to recognize me and returns the embrace. Others have now gathered around us and are curiously observing the scene. I am surprised by the shape of their nose: their nose tip is very long, extending outwards. It is much longer than humans, and darker at the tip. Their arms look slender but strong. Their skin is not all white: there are darker areas that look like large freckles. Now that I am very close, it almost looks like their skin is bicolor, with patches of pure white alternating with darker patches. (The darker color might have been blue, but after I woke up I was not be able to remember this for sure either.)
This being and I now leave the crowd and follow the trail together side by side. We arrive to a large warehouse, or a greenhouse. There is equipment and tables on the left side of the path we are on, and it is open on the right side. I can feel a tremendous exchange of energy at the heart level between him and me. It is such a blissful feeling. The intensity builds up, and then I just push him off the path and we tumble behind one of the tables. I am feeling so much desire and just go with it, and he does not seem to mind. At this point, it occurs to me that this is not an appropriate place for this kind of activity, because others might walk by and see us. (It is interesting that it is the first time that I felt any kind of inhibition in the astral: in this experience I did feel the need for privacy.) So, we rush along the path, arrive to a nearby building and enter the first door we see. It looks like a plain conference room; there is one large table and chairs. We close the door and continue where we left at, this time with no concerns. That is when I discover that this being has a functioning male part. I wasn’t expecting this either, but that comes in handy. Past this point, I don’t remember much, but I know that the energetic part of what followed was incredible. All I remember is a white tornado of energy. It was very satisfying at all level. I feel like I was able to release a tremendous amount of energy in a completely uninhibited way. I do not remember waking up after that experience, and likely just transitioned right away to sleep. I slept for several hours afterwards and had several unrelated dreams. I woke up much later than usual.
I have no idea who this being was, but I seemed to know him and to be seeking him. Obviously, it wasn’t Bashar, since the physical features don’t match (thank God for that, I would feel so disrespectful). I don’t know if this experience was purely my own creation, or if it was a co-created event, maybe with a being who was matching the kind of energy I was putting forth at that time. It occurred to me later that I might be pushing the notion of contact with aliens a bit too far.
During the experience, I could vividly see all their physical features, but after I woke up, I was only able to remember bits of it. It is similar to when we meet someone, and then are not able to remember what color their shirt was: we know we saw it clearly while we were there, but later we don’t remember because we were not specifically focusing on that detail. I know that they were wearing some type of clothing leaving the arms bare up to the shoulders, because I vividly remember how the upper arms were looking. I know I saw all the facial details, but again, I would not be able to bring all this memory back, except for the nose, which I can still see vividly. I can’t even remember for sure how their eyes were looking. Most importantly, I have no idea what I was looking like myself. It did not occur to me to check. I do not remember any word exchange during the whole experience.
Update #1: The nightshirt synchronicity
A week later, on 1/12/15, I was at Target shopping for groceries, lost in a rosy daydream about the alien encounter described above, when a nightshirt on a rack attracted my attention. On it was written in golden letters: ‘Believe in Your Dreams!’ It was my size. I bought it.
Update #2: The hexagonal array (8/27/16)
In September 2015, I listened to the “Sedona Vortex Array” session, given by Bashar on September 12, 2015. In this session he delivers a symbol called the Sedona Vortex Array, which consists of an array of hexagons in a honeycomb pattern and which symbolizes the archetype of the extra-terrestrial, the archetype of contact itself and the crystallization of contact into our reality. Then a few months ago, in the spring 2016, a few friends independently started talking about the honeycomb as a symbol of connecting different realities and crystalizing these connections.
So, I find it interesting that I flew through an array of giant hexagons in this astral experience and interpreted it as connecting to another universe, and that it was followed precisely by extraterrestrial contact. Isn’t it interesting that nine months later Bashar used a hexagonal array as a symbol for the archetype of extraterrestrial contact?
What I experienced as energetic and sexual union with an ET being in that experience could also be a symbol of connection with the ET archetype, I am thinking.
17. Lucid dream sex
(January 7th, 2015)
I wake up at 1:00am, and after that I have trouble sleeping, waking up often. Finally, at 3:45am, I decide that since sleep is so difficult, I might as well meditate and attempt a projection, even though the previous one only happened three days earlier. The previous experience is still very present in my mind, so my intent this time is clear: I would love to repeat it.
The vibrations come an hour or two later, but soon stop. I continue the meditation, and the vibrations come again, then stop again. This goes on like this at least four or five times. The last one is very intense. Finally, I give up, roll over, and finally go to sleep. Note that the next day, when reviewing the memories in my mind, I realized that I did briefly transition a couple times during these attempts but failed to notice it and thought I never left my bed when in fact I did: I was already elsewhere, while still trying to get out of body.
Later that night, I am dreaming that I am standing on a staircase in a large mansion. A mountain lion is next to me. At this point I suddenly become lucid. I fly above the animal, and observe the shape of its back from this new vantage point. It is looking for me left and right, but not up. I fly in front of it and tease it ‘Ha ha, try to catch me up there, I can fly and you can’t’. It snaps its teeth at me but misses me, barely so. I am feeling a little thrill at that.
I fly down the stairs, get out the large front doors, and find myself on an empty street. There are tall buildings left and right, as if I am in a city. The right side of the street is in the shade. I decide to enter the first door I see on my right. In there, it looks like an electronic engineering lab, with benches, electrical supplies and electronic equipment everywhere. A crew of about a dozen men is working. I walk in and ask around if anyone is interested in having sex with me. One guy comes forward and volunteers. He must be half my age, and I even see all the pimples on his face. The others leave the room, we close the door and the blinds, and get busy.
I will spare the details, nothing original there. Yes, it ended in a dream-body climax, but it was nothing mind-blowing. It was purely mechanical. There was no romance, no energy exchange, and no fantasy elements. I could not have cared less who volunteered. By far, this is the least favorite of all my experiences, and it actually was embarrassing for me to write this. Once again, manners and inhibitions were absent, but interestingly, the need for privacy was there this time again. One thing that I find interesting in this experience is that this time, the dream partner clearly was an aspect of myself, because he was fully in sync with what I wanted, there was no communication needed. He was a separate being, yet he seemed to be animated by my own will. That was completely different than the previous experience. I am hoping I won’t repeat this one.
18: The elevator
(January 14th, 2015)
I wake up tired and not in the mood for attempting a projection. Even though it is still dark, it feels as if it is almost morning. Nevertheless, I check the time, and see that it is only 2:59am. I take this as an invitation to try an OBE anyways, because 3:00am seems to be the best time for me. I again ask to meet with either Bashar, or my guides, or the Word’s guides. I recite my usual Word affirmation (‘I am Word through my body. Word I am Word. I am Word through my vibration. Word I am Word. I am Word through my knowing of myself as Word’, from Paul Selig’s channeled books) and ask my higher self and ‘helpers out there’ to please help me get out of body and help me have ‘a meaningful experience that I can learn something from’. That’s when it occurs to me that all experiences are meaningful and they can all be learned from. I wrestle with this in my mind for a while, cannot word the intention right, then drop it. After a while meditating, the vibration stage comes. Then leaves. Then comes back. When I focus more inward, the vibrations intensify, then suddenly stop. It is very interesting to observe how the vibrations can be modulated by how the mind is focused. Sometimes it very easily gets out of balance. it reminds me of stick-shift cars: depending how one plays with the clutch and the gas pedal, one can either get a smooth movement forward, or stall the motor, or even have the car jump and hit the wall. Or drown the motor, and that’s it for the night. I still feel like a complete beginner, each time getting a different car.
Finally, I remember to focus on the vibrations themselves, get into them, and forget all about the body or the inward focus. I just focus on the vibration feeling, trying to become them. That works and the vibration stage is now sustaining itself nicely. Then I see a picture of mountains on a 2D screen. I focus on this picture, get closer to it, and try to get into it. It is most interesting to observe how it slowly transforms from a 2-dimensional picture into a more 3-dimensional picture. However, at first, I still feel like an observer outside of the scene. Then suddenly, I find myself inside the mountain landscape. I drop down on my knees on the ground, touch it and look at it close to see every detail. It is a rocky ground with sparse vegetation. This increases clarity and brings the whole mountain scenery to life. Once again, this is my favorite part: I absolutely LOVE to look around at the vibrant landscapes I landed in right after the transition.
I get up with the intention to go meet my guides. I look around and spot a one-story concrete building nearby. I enter it. Inside, it looks like some type of industrial building, with handling equipment and a large industrial elevator. I enter the elevator and somehow know that my guides can be found at level 3, so I press that button. It takes a long time to reach that level, because I realize that the level I started at in the mountain building was level 44. I have time to observe how the elevator looks, and watch the wall go by as the elevator goes down. There are no decorations, everything actually looks a bit rusty and dirty, but everything is vibrant nevertheless. While I am waiting, I reflect to myself that 3 could correspond to ‘third density’, but I realize that it does not fit, because 44 is ‘too large a number’ for a density. I also reflect to myself that even though I am standing still while the elevator is slowly going down, the reality around me is very stable and isn’t dissolving. Note that it is only after I woke up that it occurred to me that 44 was my current age at the time. Normally in my projections there is not much thinking going on, I usually am completely ‘in the now moment’. But this time, I was doing some thinking. It also felt like there was someone else with me, a very unobtrusive presence whom I could not see or hear, and whom I was taking for granted. I had already felt this invisible presence before, as described in experience #12.
The elevator finally arrives on level 3. We come out (me and the invisible presence), and find ourselves in what looks like the lobby of a large conference center. There is a large hallway full of people, leading to the conference rooms. I am having an exchange with the invisible presence, who is wondering how we will manage to find the guides in such a large and crowded building. I mentally tell the presence that we will just walk along the hallway, and that I am sure that I will recognize the door to the guides’ office as soon as I see it. We walk for a while and only see large double-doors on either side, obviously leading to the conference rooms. There is nothing that looks like an office. At some point, I feel that we have gone too far so we turn back. I observe to myself that the reality is responding nicely to this 180-degree turn: I can now see the back of the people who just walked by us before, and the doors we passed before are still there, looking the same. Nothing has changed or morphed.
However, I notice a small door that I had missed the first time around, and immediately assume that it must be the door to the guides’ office. I enter it. Inside, there is a large oval table around which half a dozen people are seated. To my dismay, they are all looking like former colleagues. I think ‘Oh no, those are not my guides, they are just dream characters straight out of my memories! Just figments of my imagination! What a waste!’ And that terminates the experience.
Now reflecting on it, I realize that I missed an opportunity because of my preconceived notions of what guides should look like. What I think I should have done is talk to these people anyways, keep an open mind, and see what they had to say. I am actually not even sure anymore that these people looked like former colleagues, because now I cannot remember any of them. If I had truly recognized them, I am sure I would have remembered who exactly was sitting there. Furthermore, I should not have been surprised to encounter things and people coming from my imagination and memories: after all, am I not exploring my own consciousness?
19. Very poor clarity
(February 20, 2015)
I wake up at 3:30am after a nightmare involving fighting, crying and disgust. I get up, drink some water, then relax in bed. Despite the poor mood I am in, I decide to go ahead and attempt a projection, since it’s been over a month since the last one. After meditating for a while, I am getting so bored that I almost give up. I keep going, and the vibrations soon come. The first time, they don’t sustain. The vibrations come again, and this time they do sustain. The transition happens a bit differently this time: it almost feels like I am actively generating visuals with my imagination, in which I am eventually able to ‘insert’ myself. It all happened very quickly and my memory of this sequence was a bit fuzzy, but that is how I remember it.
I am now in an empty room. All is grey and out of focus. I can barely distinguish the walls around me. I try to increase clarity by focusing and touching what is right in front of me, without success. I then try shifting, but I end up in a similar place: an empty room, dull and foggy. Soon I find myself irresistibly sucked back in my body.
It is worth mentioning that in the past four weeks prior to this experience, I had felt very tired, very cold, and very bored. I had made several unsuccessful attempts at projecting. Normally I don’t pay much attention to the news, knowing that they are mostly fear-selling propaganda, but something came up mid-January that completely freaked me out, despite my best judgment. At least it was interesting to watch the negative impact my reaction to the collective hysteria had on my energy levels and my ability to project.
20. The door in the mountain
(March 6, 2015)
After almost two months of low energy and several failed attempts at projecting, March 5th was the first day when I finally felt a dramatic improvement in my energy levels.
That night, I wake up at 2:15am and decide right away to attempt a projection. I ask ‘all the helpers out there’ to please help me get out of body, and I ask my higher self to please show me something it would love me to know. I spend the first 20 minutes just relaxing in bed. Then I put myself in the supine position and start the meditation, keeping it easy and light. The vibrations finally come. This time they feel different than normal: they are faster and harsher, feeling like a triangle wave instead of the smooth sinus wave I usually get. I wonder if this noticeable change in the vibration pattern had anything to do with an herbal supplement that I had started a few days earlier… I made a failed projection attempt while on this supplement and had the same effect. Since then, I found out that this supplement is not agreeing with me so discontinued it. It will be interesting to see if the vibrations are smooth again next time I try a projection.
The vibrations stop and start several times, then finally sustain themselves. This time again, it feels as if I am actively generating images with my imagination, though it is barely conscious. It takes me a while, but I finally manage to lock in on one of the visuals. I am now looking at a 2-dimensional picture of an old wooden door in the rocks at the foot of a cliff. The door itself and the rocks around it are painted a light lavender blue color. There is a small path leading to this door, surrounded by shrubs and bushes. I get closer to this picture, see it slowly become 3-dimensional, then suddenly find myself fully immerged in this landscape. I get very close to the door, touch it and look at everything around me closely. I am now fully synced with this reality, everything is looking bright and vibrant.
On the other side of the door, I find myself on a narrow path in-between two steep rock cliffs on either side. Again, everything is painted the same pastel blue color. This path looks like it hasn’t been used in a while. I follow the narrow path and arrive to a clearing. On the left, there is a large tree under which a woman is lying. I sit down close to her, and take a good look at her: even though her skin tone, eyes, hair, age and body type look very similar to mine, her face is not my own. It is clearly different. What strikes me the most is that her face is covered in large scars. She looks like she was severely injured a long time ago. We spend some time talking. I know that we had a meaningful exchange, but after I woke up I could not remember what we were talking about. Eventually we get up and walk back together in the direction where I initially came from. This time however, the narrow rocky path is gone, and instead, we are now walking inside a long corridor. We arrive in an empty room at the end of the corridor, at which point I decide to shift to something else. I decide to go see the inside of a flying saucer.
I shift and find myself in a room with a bed in the center, a window on the right side, and a door leading to a narrow corridor on the left side. The bed looks like a hospital bed, with white bedding. There is a lot of clutter all around the room and in the small corridor as well. Past this point I only remember bits and pieces. I know that there were children with me, but I am not sure if they were my own. I know I walked through the narrow corridor and arrived to another room that was much cluttered too. Once again, the interior of this flying saucer was surprisingly looking just like an old Earth apartment, just like it did in experience #7.
I decide to shift again. This time, I decide to go see my parents’ houses, who live overseas. I first find myself in front of my mother’s house. It is bright daylight and the sun is up. Strangely, I decide against entering the house, because I deem at that moment that ‘this house does not look enough like my mother’s house’. However, when I was reviewing my memories later, I thought this house and the neighborhood looked similar. Moreover, it must have been 10:00am locally, I was facing east, and according to the weather reports, it was sunny there that day; so that would have been consistent with how I saw the sun.
I then find myself inside my father’s flat, which is on the fifth floor of a large building in another city. This is the flat where I grew up and in which my father still lives. I directly go out on the balcony. Even though the balcony itself looks like the real one, the view is completely different: instead of seeing other buildings, I see a large field extending far away, with giant trees. The trees are 5-story tall with widely extending thick branches, truly huge and impressive. Something occurs to me at this point: I have always been scared of heights, and as a child I would be afraid to look down from this balcony. This time, I know that I can fly, so I push a chair against the balcony ledge and climb up (I could just will myself up there but I am enjoying the pretend part of it). I am now standing on the ledge, looking down with no fears. I spread my arms, and slowly let myself fall forward, enjoying every second of it; it is so thrilling and so satisfying. I am even thinking at that moment that I should go skydiving in the physical to see how it feels to free-fall while in a body subjected to gravity. Just as expected, I find out that the air is supporting me, and I let myself drift in the air. The wind is pushing me in direction of the large trees. I fly through the branches, observing the breathtaking 3-dimensional effects as they pass by me. I intend to stop and sit on one of the branches to spend some time enjoying the tree, but I find out I can’t. Instead, I keep drifting with the wind and have poor flight control this time. Then the experience terminates.
Something very intriguing is worth mentioning: each time I shifted to a different landscape during this experience, I have fleeting memories of seeing 2-dimensional pictures and entering them, just like I did at the transition point of this experience and the two previous ones. I have a feeling this is mostly an unconscious process that I am just starting to have conscious glimpses of. I barely remember that these 2-dimensional pictures were oval-shaped and that several of them were displayed in front of me. I would select one, enter it, and find myself in the new landscape. All this was barely conscious. I am hoping that this process will become clearer in my next experiences because I am very intrigued.
21. Reality checks
(April 4, 2015)
Since this was going to be the night of the blood moon and I had finally been able to sleep most of the night without coughing my head off, I decided I would attempt a projection again. So, before bed, I ate half a pound of asparagus, and hoped for the best.
I spontaneously wake up at 2:30am. I get up for a few minutes, drink some water, and then go back to bed. I pray for help in getting out of body, and ask to be shown more of myself. I then start meditating. A very long time passes, and even though I am staying completely immobile the whole time, I am not getting uncomfortable, I am not bored, and there is no mind chatter. However, the vibrations never come. Finally, I decide that I better stop and check the time: it is now 5:00am. I just spent two and a half hours completely immobile with no results. It was the first time ever that I was not able to achieve the vibration stage. Even though I had experienced many failed attempts at transitioning past the vibration stage before, the vibrations would always come as long as I would meditate long enough.
I get up to use the bathroom, then go back to bed and decide to try getting some sleep, even though I do not feel sleepy at all. I am relaxing on my right side, trying to fall asleep, all the while marveling at the fact that I feel so awake even though I have slept less than three hours so far. What I have failed to realize is that I am now sitting cross-legged on the floor of a large Japanese-style empty room. While I am sitting there, waiting for sleep, I joke to myself that I should make sure that I am not dreaming. Even though I am certain this is not the case, just for fun I decide to try levitating. I even laugh at myself. Imagine my surprise when I actually do levitate up to the ceiling, still in the cross-legged position! I immediately realize that I am dreaming.
I decide to ask my subconscious to show me something and find myself flying in the blue sky over blue seas. There are little green islands scattered around. I get closer and see that these islands look flat and fake. They are perfectly round and seem covered with fake green grass. There is a crowd of horses and knights engaged in some kind of tournament. I decide to land and join the fun, but quickly realize that I am not at their scale: I look like a giant sitting at the edge of the little island, and the horses are the size of a mouse in comparison to me.
I decide to shift somewhere else and now find myself inside a house. It looks like a typical American house, but I have never been there before. I go from one room to another and look at everything. I get out in the driveway, and walk around. There is a hallway between this house and the neighboring house, which leads to the backyard. The sprinklers of the neighboring house are on. Out of curiosity, I get closer and place my hand in the stream close to the sprinkler head to see how it feels and how it compares to physical reality. It feels the same. I observe the water for a while, then walk to the backyard and lie down in the grass. I look at the grass very close: it also looks like physical reality. There even are cute little clusters of clovers that are soft to touch. I go back inside the house, then out again, and I observe that everything is stable; everything still looks the same, nothing has morphed.
More things occurred throughout this experience, but I am not sure of the timing, so I am just listing them here: At several occasions, I felt as if my physical eyes would open while I was having this lucid dream, and I would get a glimpse of myself lying in my bed. Obviously, this is a physical impossibility, so I am not sure what was happening. Several times I also saw the ceiling corner very close, as if I was hanging there. But it did not look exactly like my real ceiling. Once it felt as if I was communicating with my higher self and I asked it to show itself to me and it spun me around like a spin top. It was a weird and amusing energetic feeling. When I finally woke up it was 5:50am.
Update #1: The patch of clovers synchronicity
On April 5th, the Easter Bunny (aka me) was hiding eggs in our yard when it discovered a large patch of clovers (picture at this link). I am positive I have never before seen clovers in our yard, which needs constant maintenance or it would quickly turn into a tropical jungle. I LOVE the synchronistic discoveries I make in physical reality after astral adventures!
Update #2: The large empty room synchronicity
Today April 1o, I found myself sitting crossed-legged on the floor of a large empty room looking similar to the one I described above. The day before, I got an urge to join a yoga class, did a quick google search, found something nearby, and the next day, there I was. Note that I have never done yoga before and have social anxiety, but these days I know better than question inner urges. Interestingly, that same location has a Course In Miracles study group on Sundays, I might stop by…
22. Lust
(April 18, 2015)
I wake up at 5:00am and can’t go back to sleep right away. I relax in bed for an hour or so, then finally fall into a light sleep as the daylight starts appearing. I have several non-lucid dreams. In one of them, I am in a three-story building with some relatives and some strangers. There is a dream story on-going, something very mundane as far as I remember. At some point in this dream, I am walking on a narrow balcony that goes around the third floor of the building, when out of the blue, I suddenly realize that I am dreaming. I go back inside the building, looking around at the dream environment. The dream characters and the dream story are gone, but the dream environment is still there. I notice that the clarity is not very good: the right side of my field of view is fuzzy, and everything looks a bit washed out. I am also aware of my physical body breathing, and realize that I do not have full sensory disconnection this time. (Which makes sense since I was in a light sleep early morning). I am also aware of generating a large part of the dreamscape, and this time it is clear to me that the mechanism is very similar to a daydream.
I am still surveying my dream environment and paying attention to the sensations described above, when a carnal urge hits me. I remember that I said before I would not engage again in heartless lucid dream sex, but right at this moment it feels like the most exciting thing to do; I feel something very close to irresistible physical lust. I remember one of the dream characters I was involved with earlier in the dream (a stranger) and decide that he will do. I decide I will find him in a room on the second floor, go down the stairs, and there he is.
Just like in experience #17, this dream character was animated by my own will, just like it would be in a daydream. Again, I will skip the details, and will just say that it was purely lust-driven carnal mating. There was no energy transfer and no love or romance involved, but I must admit that it did feel very good at a dream-body physical level. That concluded this lucid dream.
Even though this lucid dream was not a spectacular experience, it answered several questions I had:
First, it was very interesting to observe that this time I was to a large extent generating the dream by using my imagination in a conscious way, in a very similar fashion as when I daydream. The difference is that in my daydreams, I am still aware of my surroundings and still have all my physical senses engaged, whereas in this lucid dream, I only had very partial input from my physical senses (mostly I was only aware of my breathing). Another difference is that in this lucid dream, the ‘dream-body’ sensations were more intense, vivid and realistic than they are in a daydream. To sum up, I would say that in my daydreams, I am split 80/20 between physical reality and the daydream, whereas in that lucid dream, I was split 20/80 between physical reality and dream reality. In contrast, in my astral projections, I am 100% immersed in the virtual reality and usually have no input what-so-ever from my physical body. The virtual reality is also much more vivid, and I have no conscious involvement in generating the virtual reality (with a few exceptions). By far, I prefer diving deep into the non-physical as opposed to staying close to the physical as I did in this lucid dream, but it was highly interesting to have one more data point at one edge of this wide spectrum.
This lucid dream also brought some clarity to experience #17. I felt embarrassed by experience #17 and had no clue why I chose to engage in heartless sex instead of exploring the universe. This time it was obvious that the reason was simply to satisfy some irresistible carnal urges. It was interesting to notice how those urges are more intense in the non-physical than they are in the physical, at least for me. Who would have guessed there could be such primal physical instincts in the non-physical! I remember Bob Monroe mentioned that, and I think I heard Robert Bruce say the same thing. I am going to try not judging this. Maybe these are just normal energies that need expression, and maybe this is a safe outlet.
23. A point of awareness in the dream planes
(April 20, 2015)
Note that the evening before this experience I ate asparagus.
I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and hope it is not 3:00am because I am so sleepy that all I want is go right back to sleep. I check the time and see that it is 3:03am… Sleepy or not, this is my signal to try a projection! So, I lie down on my back, and set the intention to have an experience showing me more of myself, or showing me ET realities. I meditate lightly, waiting for the vibration stage. After a long time, a wave of vibrations hits me and I realize that I had just started dozing off. The vibrations only last a few seconds, then abruptly stop as my body jerks once. I now feel fully awake. I check the time and see that it is 5:01 am. Since I was sick for several weeks in March, the vibrations have felt different: now instead of feeling like waves of energy crisscrossing over my body, the vibrations have a much faster beating frequency (almost like a bee buzzing), and feel like a sudden quiver that squeezes me all over for a few seconds. This already happened three times this month (all failed attempts).
I lie down on my right side, waiting for sleep. As I am dozing off again, another wave of vibrations hits me, similar to the previous one. Again, it quickly ends with my body jerking. Finally, I fall asleep. Next thing I know, I become conscious in an empty room. There is nothing going on, no dream characters, and no dream story. I am just a point of awareness floating in an empty room. It takes me a few seconds to focus and gain full clarity. I move around the room as if I am an observation point whose coordinates in space are changed. This is very similar to the way I experienced things in experience #4. I have absolutely no body awareness and only have visual perception, or maybe more precisely, ‘spatial’ perception. After a while exploring this room, I lose consciousness and regain it in another location: I am now inside a large warehouse, with windows high up and equipment sitting on tall shelves. Again, I am only a point of awareness moving around. This time there is a much wider space to explore. I go up and down and left and right, observing how the perspective changes as my spatial location changes. I love this feeling.
Again, I temporarily lose consciousness and find myself conscious again in an outdoors environment. It looks like a suburban location; there is a large area of grass, a few trees, and I see a large stone church building with a parking lot and a few cars. It is overcast; I don’t see the blue sky or the sun. I am observing this scene from a vantage point maybe 10 feet above the ground. Interestingly, this time it is much easier to move away from things than it is to move towards them. In other words, as my spatial location changes, my visual field is facing the direction I came from. As I am moving around this outdoors environment in this fashion, it occurs to me to try moving higher and higher and see if I can observe Earth from space, which is something I always wanted to do but so far haven’t achieved yet. What I discover is that the higher I get and the smaller things on the ground look, the more foggy and greyish everything becomes around me. Finally, I find myself ‘outside’ this dream plane, which now looks like a fuzzy, greyish ball of fog. I feel very disoriented: I am not in space, I am not in the void, I am just ‘ in the middle of nowhere’ in nothingness. I move forward and re-enter this dream plane, and this concludes this experience.
I am pretty sure I explored other places, but those are the only three I remember. It was interesting that even though these environments were looking very much like physical reality, I think they were dream planes. For instance, I was not able to reach space or see the Earth. This time, I was not consciously generating the dream environments, I was just an observation point within them that could consciously move around. Now that I writing this, something is just occurring to me: yesterday, in the Course in Miracles study group I attended, we discussed how we can liken moving in and out of the ego as moving in and out of a fog, as consciousness contracts and expands, and how diving into physical reality and into form is like diving into the fog. Maybe that discussion inspired the above experience!
Update: The Point of Consciousness
Today May 18 I am reading the book ‘Act of Consciousness’ by Adamus Saint-Germain and one sentence on page 19 reminded me of the above experience: “I am the point. … I Am the Point of Consciousness”. In the above experience I was a point of awareness. I was the point. I am the point. To be is the point of consciousness.
24. The boardwalk
(April 24, 2015)
I wake up at 5:30am and after lying down in bed for a while, I finally go back to sleep as the daylight appears. I am having a few non-lucid dreams. In one of them, I am walking in a city. There are tall buildings on my left, and the ocean on my right. I am walking on a pedestrian boardwalk, with a four-foot-tall concrete wall separating the paved path from the ocean shore. There are people walking in both directions. Out-of-the-blue, I suddenly become lucid as I am walking down concrete stairs on that boardwalk. While I am still walking, I reach to touch the concrete wall with my right hand, feeling its roughness, and observing its texture and colors: I comment to myself that it looks and feels just like concrete in physical reality. People are walking towards me, looking busy as if they just came out from work, and they are minding their own business as they are passing me by. It occurs to me to try and see if I can start a conversation with these dream characters. I greet the first person walking towards me, but this person just ignores me and walks even faster, looking away. I then address the next person, more enthusiastically this time, but again without success. It almost feels as if these people are not ‘programmed’ to interact with me, that they are just passers-by part of the scenery. At this point I feel as if there is not enough ‘generator power’ remaining for the dream to sustain itself; it quickly collapses, and I wake up.
I was hoping to have something more interesting to post, but I have been experiencing a dry spell again with many failed attempts at projecting. I have been meditating at least once or twice a week for two hours around 3:00am, without being able to transition.
25. Muscle tone and vibration stage
(June 1st, 2015)
Last night I failed to project but I experienced an extended transition phase where I learned a few things. I initially decided not to record it as an experience, since the projection attempt was not successful, but then changed my mind and decided to record it anyway for easier future reference. My last projection with a conscious transition dates almost three months back. This has been the longest pause since I started projecting a year ago. Since I was sick with a weird virus for several weeks in March and April, it has been difficult to reach the vibration stage, and when I did reach it, the vibrations have felt different, faster and fleeting. In addition, around that time I also lost my main drive for projecting, which was to meet Bashar. Not sure why, one day this drive in my heart was gone, as if it had just been cut off, and interestingly, simultaneously I was in pain with a bruised rib right below my heart for several weeks. No idea how this happened, I am still scratching my head over this one, but I find it very symbolic. Now a few days ago, I synchronistically ran into an art piece by Vashta Narada depicting Bashar. Wow did this picture absolutely blow my mind and drive me nuts. OMG!!! This re-sparked the fire in my heart and the desire to project. I have to meet him consciously and I will do anything for that, even shifting to a future parallel la-la-land to do so.
Author: Vashta Narada Vashta.com
So, before bed, I admire the soon-to-be-full moon and strongly intend to try a projection later that night. At 2:54am, I spontaneously wake up, get up shortly to drink some water, then go back to bed and start the meditation, alternating with visualizing the Essassani’s phone number (a black triangle surrounded by blue light, over a black background). I find it very difficult to meditate, drifting in and out of it, until the vibrations finally come. This time again, the vibrations are very fleeting at first. However, this time I suddenly make a startling discovery: if I slightly increase my overall muscle tone, it causes the vibrations to start sustaining themselves! Could there be a sweet spot in muscle tone, and could fully relaxing my muscles like a wet rag doll possibly be counterproductive? Now that I have this figured out, the vibrations sustain themselves nicely, only occasionally stopping, then restarting right away. I remain in the vibrational stage for what feels like at least half an hour, though of course there is no way to tell for sure, and try everything to shift, but am not successful.
Actually, I did shift but failed to notice it until later on. At one point, I found myself lying down on a couch in an unfamiliar room, still vibrating and trying to shift, and there were two or three people with me trying to do the same thing. It never occurred to me that I was not in my bed anymore. I was looking at a shelf in front of me, trying to figure out how to get out of body, and I realized that I could reach to grab a box sitting on the shelf. I was able to take the lid off and inspect it, marveling at the fact that I had now successfully phased on that object, which looked crystal-clear. Even though I could manipulate this object, I was not able to get up from that couch, because I still believed I was in-body trying to shift. It now seems completely nonsensical that I would believe I was still in body even though I could manipulate objects and see my surroundings, but I failed to realize this during the experience. All it would have taken was this realization.
When I gave up it was 4:55am, so two hours had passed. At least I am glad that I was able to reach a sustainable vibration stage for the first time in three months. Note that when I attempt a projection I lie down completely immobile for one or two hours, and if I do as much as swallowing or moving a finger I get out of the trance and it takes me ten minutes to sink back down.
26. The fragmented dream planes
(June 6, 2015)
I wake up spontaneously at 2:45am, after about 3 hours of sleep. The night before, I had been hoping for a projection, and I think this intention alone is what woke me up, because there were no physical reasons for me to wake up, and I was very sleepy. I get up shortly, drink some water, then go back to bed, relaxing for while and keeping my mind focused to ensure I don’t fall back asleep. After about 20 minutes, now wide awake, I get ready to start the meditation. I pray for help from all the ‘helpers out there’, and ask to have a fun experience that blows my mind. As always, I alternate between focusing my awareness on my awareness and visualizing the black triangle. This time again, meditating is very difficult, because there is so much exciting stuff going on in my day life currently, so I am not sure if I can call that meditation.
Nevertheless, after a while the vibrations come. I play with my general muscle tone just like I describe in my previous post, and this works again: the vibrations get strong and steady. They abort several times, then soon take off again. Once again, I am struggling to shift, and try different things, especially reminding myself to focus on the vibrations, not on my body. The vibration stage lasts a long time. Eventually, I am not aware of vibrations anymore, and am now semi-lucid, surfing a sea of hypnagogic imagery. I am in a very unstable state of consciousness, not really in body, and not really elsewhere. I am trying to focus on some of the fleeting images. One of them is a fortress wall on top of a cliff near the seashore that looks more cartoonish than real. I zoom in more and more, till I find I can’t zoom any closer. It feels as if I have reached the resolution limit of the image, and I am not able to ‘insert myself’ within it. I relax my focus and then zoom in again on different images. It is a semi-lucid process, very dynamic and fluid, that reminds me of skiing down a snow slope too fast, mostly out of control.
From then on, I manage to insert myself in a variety of broken-down dream planes, and to move in and out of focus between them. I never fully wake up in my body, but feel closer and farther from it (in awareness, not spatially) as I move in and out from dream planes. The dream planes I visit are often an incoherent jumble of things, very focus-responsive, with many things coexisting side-by-side in sometimes a nonsensical-kind of way.
Here are some of the scenes I remember while I was synchronized with dreamscapes. I know there were many more that I don’t remember.
– I am flying hundreds of feet above a large dark blue/green lake. There is dark green vegetation all around.
– I am in a large house with multiple bedrooms, going from one to the other. At some point, I go down some steep stairs that transform into a kind of wormhole through which I fly and through which all kinds of dream images are flying.
– I am in my bedroom and suddenly remember to check myself in the mirror to see what I look like astrally, which is something I always wanted to do but always forgot. I run to the bathroom where we have a large mirror. What I see there surprises me: my face and my hair are different than my real ones, and my body (naked) is very, very old, and wrinkled all over. It is not a pleasant sight.
– I remember that I always wanted to see Earth from space. I find myself in a dreamscape that is all black. I strain to see the Earth, but only manage to see a faint dark blue disk, despite voicing a strong intention several times.
I transitioned right away to sleep and woke up at 6:30am feeling pretty good.
Since I did not wake up right away after the experience, the level of recall was not as good as it would have been, had I awakened right after the experience to review it in my mind before going to sleep. This experience was something new. It was not my favorite one, but it was definitely interesting. I prefer having one main adventure than a series of broken-down ones, but I am sure I got some useful practice surfing the choppy waters of semi-lucid hypnagogia.
27. Body parts
(June 29, 2015)
Note that the day before, I had an interesting short exchange with a Facebook friend regarding gamma waves, the vibrational stage, and muscle tone. I was still thinking of this when I went to bed that night.
I wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, and even though I feel sleepy and all I want is to let myself drift back to sleep, something in me is urging me to get up and check the time. Yes, I see that it is 3:08 am; sleepy or not, this is my invitation to try a projection! I drink some water, then go back to bed, lying on my back and making sure my spine is straight. I pray for help in getting out of body, and ask to have a beautiful and meaningful experience. I then go in a light meditative state, occasionally visualizing a black triangle, as I always do. A while later (not sure how long but it felt like a relatively short time, less than the usual 90 minutes it typically takes me to reach the vibrational stage), I remember the discovery I made in experience #25 and my theory that by playing with muscle tone I might simulate a gamma state in my brain, and as I do so, it immediately triggers strong and steady vibrations.
The vibrations sustain themselves nicely and go on for a long time. Once again, I have trouble shifting, and try various things, including shifting my attention focus, either on the vibrations themselves or in the center of my head. A couple times, I ask for help and see two arms reaching for me, which I try to grab. This goes on for a while. At some point, I ask myself to make sure that I have not already shifted. I look around and see that I am in a narrow bed next to a bare wall. There is a metallic cabinet against the wall behind my head. Even though this does not look like my real bedroom at all, and there is no way I could see anything since my real eyes are closed, at that moment I am sure that this is my bedroom and that I have not shifted yet, even though I precisely ask myself to double-check this. Go figure! I reach above the metallic cabinet, and see that there are loose body parts lying on top of it. I grab one foot and look at it closely. I marvel at how crisp and sharp it is looking, and that’s when I realize that I indeed have finally shifted. I touch things around me as I always do to increase clarity. I see that there are four metallic latches on the cabinet door, and open them. I see that the cabinet is mostly empty inside. I close the door again, enjoying how realistic all the sensations are, then I decide to exit the room.
Outside it is sunny, and there is a concrete path going up a grassy hill. I follow the path and find myself on a plateau on top of the hill. At that point, things start to become dreamy, and I am barely lucid anymore. I remember seeing my kids on that plateau, then shifting to another place. I am now standing on a balcony, on the lower floor of a big building. I am looking up at the cloudy skies, whishing I could fly up and go meet some alien civilizations. I do not remember anything past this point.
It is now the third time that by consciously increasing my muscular tonus a bit, I am able to trigger strong and steady vibrations. I am still reading the literature on this topic and will start a thread on this soon. I am glad I was able to reach the vibrational stage again, but somewhat disappointed that I again ended up in some dream-like planes with relatively low levels of lucidity, and that the projection was so short. I am missing my early projections in beautiful landscapes or in outer space. The day before, I had visited a mummy expo at our local science museum, displaying various mummies and embalmed body parts; that is probably where the loose body parts idea came from.
28. Galantamine
(July 3rd, 2015)
I have been following the posts of another projector on Facebook, who is currently doing a trial of galantamine. Recently, he got some good results with it, which inspired me to give it another try (I had already tried it once before with no results). Yesterday evening, as I was feeling especially full of energy, I thought that night might be a good time to try projecting again. I placed a capsule of galantamine on my nightstand with the intention to take it around 3:00am before attempting a projection, then went to bed at 11:00pm. Note that I never set an alarm clock, I rely on waking up spontaneously, which I consider a sign that my subconscious is on board with my plans.
I wake up spontaneously at 2:28am and take 4mg of galantamine with some water. I lie down on my back and pray for help in getting out of body and ask for a beautiful and meaningful experience. I review what I’d like to do if I succeed, which includes trying to meet Bashar, interacting with my higher self, and possibly trying to meet someone I know who died a violent death two weeks ago. Then I start meditating and visualizing the Essassani black triangle. Once again, I have trouble meditating. It is almost impossible; my mind is all over the place and keeps drifting left and right, as it often is the case for me when I meditate in the middle of the night. I am also uncomfortable with pain in my upper left arm, which I have been having on and off for a few months. At some point, I start getting really hot, which I think is a side effect of the galantamine. Finally, I can’t resist the urge to push the covers off and stretch. I check the time: it is now 3:45am. I start meditating again but am unable to fully relax now that the galantamine’s effect has kicked in. Finally, I realize I am going nowhere, so I give up and check the time: it is now 4:48am. Over two hours have passed and I have not yet seen a hint of the vibrational stage…
I roll on my left side with the intention of letting myself drift to sleep. Surprisingly, the vibrations almost immediately come, sustained and stronger than normal. I quickly start getting visuals, which I remember as colorful geometric shapes in the center of my field of vision. I focus my attention on these shapes, while still vibrating, and soon realize that I have shifted: I am still in my bed, but the room looks different. Normally it takes me a long time to come to this realization (sometimes I never do), but this time my mind is much sharper and immediately recognizes it (I am pretty sure the galantamine helped me there). So I get up from bed, walk through the room and out in the corridors, inspecting the walls closely, feeling the surface texture with my hands and observing the colors, stains, defects, etc… It all looks so real and I absolutely love how I feel when I realize that I am now fully synchronized with the virtual environment and everything looks so sharp and crisp around me. Those first few moments are my favorite.
I am considering what to do from there, and attempt to manifest something and modify my environment, but I find it difficult: something fuzzy and foggy seems to appear, but does not sustain; the environment I am in is pretty stable, in contrast to some other more dreamlike experiences where it feels as if I am directly dreaming everything around me into existence (for example, experience #22). I get outside and see a beautiful sky with sunset colors. I try to fly up in the sky, but don’t remember what happened. Next thing I remember is I am standing on the balcony of a tall building, possibly at the 10th floor or even higher. The view is breathtaking: it is overlooking a huge colorful garden that extends far away. I remember how thrilling it was to let myself fall off the balcony in experience #20, and decide to do this again. There is still a doubt in my mind that if I am not fully convinced that gravity does not apply, I might crash and it might be unpleasant, but I decide to risk it. It makes it even more thrilling. So I climb on the ledge and let myself fall forward with my arms wide open, while looking down. This time again, I find the air is supporting me, and I joyfully soar in the beautiful sky. I can now see the full moon in a darker sky, through the clouds.
At several points during the experience, I shifted to other sceneries by asking aloud to be shown something else. Several times, I asked to meet Bashar, and several times, I asked to meet my higher self. Here is what I remember next: I am now in a kind of flying device, that does not look like anything familiar. It has two seats in the center, one in front of the other. There are a few small windows through which we can look outside. Everything in that flying ship is looking plain and old, metallic and simple. It does not look like a futuristic device, more like a hybrid between an old airplane, a car and a flying saucer. Through the windows, I see that we are flying at low altitude right above a city. The buildings look a bit Earthlike, but the vehicles I see outside do not look like anything I know. There are some really strange looking things, including a very large water-born vehicle that looks half-way between a blimp and a cruise ship. I am definitely not on Earth. At this point I realize that there is another person in this saucer, who is sitting on the front seat and piloting it. She looks exactly like me, and I realize that she is my higher self. (It is funny, when I think of my higher self, I always think of it as a male figure, but in this experience, it was my double, a female.)
We start a conversation and I am so happy to be finally able to have direct verbal conversation with my higher self. Even though I don’t remember much of what was said, I remember how satisfying it was to be able to say what I have to say and get direct answers, as opposed to the subtle signs and insights I get in waking reality. What I remember is asking her why I am so attracted to Bashar, and seeing her laugh at me and looking so amused. She really looked like she was amused by my obsession and she gently teased me about it, but unfortunately, I don’t remember what she said about this topic.
I suddenly find myself elsewhere. I am now lying on a table in the center of a room, which looks plain, with plain colors (I did not have the opportunity to pay close attention to my surroundings). I am now having very strong energetic sensations in my lower spine (I would guess between the 1st and 3rd chakras). These sensations are extremely pleasant (but there is nothing sexual per se, for the record). It is the first time that I get energy sensations in this area during a projection. I already had very strong blissful ones in the heart chakra (in experiences #8 and #16), as well as some activity in the third eye chakra (in experiences #4 and #7), but never before specifically in my lower spine. At this point I become aware that Bashar is around, though I can’t see him. I then hear ‘his voice’ in my head, which almost feels as if I am generating it myself. We are having a back and forth conversation in this way in my head, while I am lying down on the table with the spine sensations. Of what he said I remember only the following (no way to forget that one): ‘You and I had a baby, and I am raising it here on my ship.’ (Obviously this was a shocker and completely unexpected. Needless to say, I do not take this as ‘real’, but I had no idea that this kind of idea was in my unconscious. This never consciously crossed my mind.) In my surprise I must have fallen off the table, because next thing I remember is I am on the floor next to it, looking at potted milkweed plants that are covered with monarch caterpillars. I tell Bashar that I would never had guessed that he was raising butterflies on his ship just like I am doing in my yard!
This concluded the experience. I ordered myself to wake up and to take notes immediately, or else I would forget most of it since the experience was so long. Unfortunately, I experienced another false awakening, just as I did in experience #12. This time again, I woke up in my bed and took notes while my husband was getting ready for work, not realizing that I was dreaming the whole thing. When I woke up for good, it was 5:58am and my husband was still sleeping. The whole experience, including the false awakening, had lasted 70 minutes. I immediately got up and took notes, realizing that I had already forgotten parts of it.
The whole transition was very fast this time, one of the fastest I have experienced. The experience lasted a long time, the sceneries were very stable, the colors were bright and the landscapes beautiful, and the level of lucidity was higher than normal. There was no fuzziness or greyness, and no loss of lucidity or falling into dream-like states (except for the false awakening). I consider it very likely that the galantamine helped me in these areas and will certainly try it again.
Update:
Someone on Facebook wisely suggested that the baby-making and the butterfly part might have been a metaphor. Duh! Obviously, this makes a lot of sense, since I have been transforming and creating myself anew with the help of Bashar’s teachings. Had I not been so sleep deprived, I hope I would have thought of this myself (with what’s left of my mind).
29. Spontaneous morning fun
(July 21, 2015)
I wake up at 5:25 am, after about six and a half hours of sleep. I am not feeling sleepy anymore but decide to stay in bed until daylight appears. A while later, I start feeling sleepy again and decide to try a projection. So, I position myself on my back and start focusing my mind in a meditative state. After a while I feel a fleeting hint of the vibrational stage, but it quickly disappears. Shortly thereafter, I hear my husband get up, which means it is probably about 7:00 am. At this point, I decide to roll over on my left side and let myself drift, hoping that the vibrations will come soon as they did in the previous experience. Sure enough, the vibrations quickly come. This time again, I feel like I am becoming more proficient at playing with my muscle tone just so that I can amplify the vibrations and keep them stable. Once this is achieved, I focus on the vibrations, this time especially focusing on my third eye area.
Soon I find myself looking at the wall in front of me, on the side of my bed. It is orange-colored, with Mickey Mouse decorations, which is not at all what my real wall is looking like (it is plain white and there is a window on the side of my bed). I focus on this orange wall to increase clarity, then touch it with my hands, and then will myself to get up. I get out on our patio, where I know my husband must be working out, as he does every morning at that time. Sure enough, I see him there, wearing a salmon-colored shirt and cream-colored pants. I make a mental note to check later if that is what he is wearing for real, though at that instant I doubt that it is the case. There I decide that it would be great fun to take my pajamas off and run around naked in the yard, just because it is my dream and I can do whatever I want. (Note that this is not something I have any desire of doing in real life, I would be horrified.) I indulge in this fun for a while, then suddenly find myself elsewhere. I am now standing on the parking lot in front of the tall building I used to live in as a child. There I decide to fly up in the sky and I immediately find myself rising up in the sky at fast speed. I love these sensations of flying and rising, where I see everything get smaller and smaller below me.
I don’t remember what happened after that, I think I fell asleep for good. When I woke up it was 7:45am.
This time again, it felt as if I was generating the whole experience in a similar fashion as a daydream: I was very conscious of doing so and there was a strong sense that this was not real and all made-up. This seems to be more frequently the case when my projections occur early morning after several hours of sleep, as opposed as those occurring in the middle of the night after only 3 or 4 hours of sleep. After I woke up, I saw that my husband was wearing a grey shirt and black shorts, so his workout outfit was not what I saw in the experience. Even though this experience wasn’t that interesting, I am glad I got some practice!
30. Caramel-colored landscapes
(July 23, 2015)
Note that the day before, I had had strong energy sensations in my heart center, followed by strong sensations in the root of my spine, both very pleasant, for about an hour. This has been happening to me almost daily since I started doing Bashar’s ‘Transformative Shifting’ meditation exercise a week ago. It always starts with the heart, then switches to the root. Also, my physical energy levels were pretty high, so I was suspecting the conditions might be good for a projection. I debated whether or not to put galantamine on my nightstand before going to bed at around 11:00pm that night, then decided against it. I was curious to see how it would go without it and how it would compare to the recent galantamine experience.
Sure enough, I spontaneously wake up at 2:55am, a perfect time to try a projection. I pray for help getting out of body, and ask to have a beautiful experience. I also ask my higher self to show me something it would love me to know, and request some clarification on the ‘baby business’ of experience #28. I then start the light meditation, lying on my back, occasionally visualizing the Essassani triangle, as I always do. I drift in and out but nothing happens. Finally, I am starting to feel hot, bored and uncomfortable, so I check the time and see that it is already 4:42am. Almost two hours have passed. I decide to roll over and let myself drift to sleep, hoping that the vibrations might show up soon, as they did in the previous two experiences. Sure enough, the vibrations quickly come. This time again, I am able to immediately strengthen them by subtly playing with my general muscle tone. Once the vibrations are strong and steady, I shift my attention to my third eye while my whole being is vibrating, and very quickly, I see the picture of a wall form in front of me. I am really happy with how fast the transition has been happening in the past three experiences and hope I am getting the hang of it. I used to either get stuck in the vibrational stage for long periods of time unable to shift, or the vibrations would not sustain.
In the same way as in the previous experience, I focus on the wall, touch it, then will myself to get up and follow the wall. Interestingly, I again feel like I have not fully synchronized with the virtual reality, and I am conscious of ‘filling the blanks’ and imagining that reality into existence, as in a daydream. I go around the room in this way, then find myself vibrating in my body again. Quickly, an image forms again and I see another wall in front of me, but this time, it is obvious that I am now fully projected into the virtual reality. There are no feelings of generating it anymore, it seems to exist on its own. I am standing in a room I don’t know, everything is stable and crystal-clear. I LOVE this feeling! It was most interesting to have both experiences in a row and to see the difference between ‘partial projection’ and ‘complete projection’.
I look around a see a large dark stain on the wall, as if water had been leaking and stained the wall. I get closer, touch the stain, inspect it, and marvel at how real it looks and feels. I then notice that at one end of the room, the stone wall is curved in a cylindrical fashion, and there are plants growing in the semi-circle, bathed in light coming down from a large skylight in the ceiling. It looks like a strange architecture, reminding of some ancient temples. I get closer to the plants: it looks like lavender. I touch the plants and feel that they are partly dry. It makes dust when I touch the dry flowers. Again, I marvel at how real it looks, and tell myself that I would not imagine something dry, that it seems to have an existence on its own. I fly up through the skylight and find myself in a city. I realize at that moment that the room I was in was partly underground, like a basement.
Unfortunately, I have a blank in memory at this point. What I remember next is:
I am now in a room looking luxurious and a bit futuristic, decorated in dark marble and dark polished wood, that seems to be at the higher floor of a building. There are large tinted windows overlooking a mountainous landscape that I am not currently focusing on. There are energy sensations in my heart, and I am talking to someone, or to myself, about the fact that I can’t seem to be able to shift to Bashar’s ship, and I am wondering why not. I get the answer (or I answer myself, it is a bit confusing) that ‘I am not compatible with his reality in the form I am in’ (whatever that means, it does not make sense to me now). I walk to a mirror in the wall, and will myself to look like a Sassani female. I indeed appear short, bald and white in the mirror. I even manifest myself some white hair, but it feels like I am manifesting this body shape out of my imagination and it is unstable. Anyways, I decide to go discover the surroundings and fly out. The landscape there is amazing and breathtaking, but very difficult to describe. It is completely alien and like nothing I have seen before. I LOVE to see things I have never seen before. The whole landscape consists of very large, caramel-colored ‘spiraling rolls’, one of top of each other. Those ‘rolls’ are maybe 100 feet in diameter, and half a mile in length, one on top of each other, in a chaotic way. They form mountains and valleys. I can’t tell what material it is. It does not look like stone, it almost looks like a hybrid between glass, plastic and stone. It looks reflective and smooth, though I did not touch it. I am just flying above and through those structures. I did not pay attention to the sky, so I can’t tell what color it was, unfortunately.
I know I saw many other places, because I remember commenting to myself that this experience is as vivid and as long as the galantamine one. Unfortunately, once again, I experienced a false awakening and took notes in a dream, and by the time I woke up for real at 5:50am, it was immediately obvious that I had already forgotten large parts of the experience.
In terms of differences between this experience and the galantamine one, it is worth noting that there were more verbal exchanges in the galantamine one. I find it interesting that galantamine helps autistic people communicate in the physical world, while it helped me communicate in the ‘dream world’. Possibly just a ‘coincidence’, but I can’t help wonder about it. I do not remember seeing any other beings in this experience, though it is possible I forgot.
Update: Caramel-colored alien roll landscape
An astral explorer friend on Facebook just told me that he flew with a guide over a landscape that looked very much like what I describe, with the addition that “the landscape had a soft inner illumination to it and was covered with strange hieroglyphs”. I did not notice these two features but what I saw would not be incompatible with them. Then another person on Facebook also came forward to comment that he saw something similar, in his case also with hieroglyphs and a ‘warm red glow’. How intriguing!
31. The bridge
(August 1st, 2015)
Note that my heart was strongly activated that night, as a result of an intense couple of days, and I had trouble falling asleep that evening.
At 2:00am, after only a couple hours of sleep, I am suddenly awakened by a lamp near my bed that has spontaneously turned on, just as I was enthusiastically shouting to ‘others’ in a dream that we are all ONE HEART! Since I am too excited by this latest development and still so activated, I am not able to fall back asleep and lie in bed wide-awake for a long while. Even though I have no intentions at all to attempt a projection because we are going to be travelling the next morning and I need rest, the vibrations suddenly come, and of course I give in to them. I focus on my third eye and soon see my bedroom from the vantage point of my bed, while still vibrating. Approximately at the location where we have a TV, I see a computer screen on which green-colored light patterns are being displayed. I am lucid enough at this point to realize that I am in the hypnagogic state, and remember what Lyssa Royal and Robert Moss were saying about this state being ideal for contacting interdimensional beings, so I call Bashar ‘loudly’ several times. Note that I had energy sensations in my third eye area during the whole experience that follows.
There is a gap in my memory at this point. Next thing I remember, is I am standing in a room, but have trouble focusing. I remember a friend’s advice and just wait, while yelling ‘Clarity Now!’. Suddenly, everything is crystal clear as I look around in the room. There is a second gap in my memory, then I find myself in something looking half-way between a large mall and an airport. I am in a semi-lucid state and I am aware of partially generating the dream environment with my imagination. I have a strong urge to go see Bashar and I am intensely trying to figure out how to do so. I approach a counter to ask for information and purchase plane tickets to go see him, then take an escalator in direction of the terminal. I am obviously not fully lucid and am likely superposing thoughts about next day’s airplane trip with this astral experience.
There is a third gap in my memory, and next thing I know I am now walking on a stone bridge overlooking a valley. Again, I am aware of partially generating the dream environment, and I am not fully lucid. Bashar is next to me on that bridge and even though I am conscious of the fact that much of it is likely created by my imagination, I am delighted. We spend a long time walking side-by-side and interacting on that bridge. Things were not fully in focus, and I do not remember much of his physical features or what kind of information we exchanged, but I do remember a lot of gentle and sweet physical contact, though again, I am pretty certain most of it was my imagination and my need to express my affection. What I do vividly remember is at some point, I took a good look at his head shape, and for a split-second, I felt intense terror, then was back in my state of love again. Then I commented to him that ‘Now I understand the kind of fear many people feel in the presence of ETs!‘ Note that I had never before felt any kind of fear at all during my astral experiences. This was a first. It felt like a very brief flipping of state, maybe for learning purposes.
The last thing I remember is again focusing on his eye, and this time what I see is strange: There is a large brown iris taking almost all the eye space, and no pupil at all. There are various shades of brown and patterns within the iris, and the border between the iris and the eye white is very irregular. I must admit that even though this perception was very sharp and vivid, it does not make much sense.
I woke up after this experience but did not take notes right away. I soon fell asleep and had a regular dream in which I went to a Bashar channeling event and talked to April first, then to Darryl, about allergy issues my son is having. Unfortunately, I had to go back home to take care of my children before Bashar came through.
It took me a while to get enough courage to post this here because I am aware of how ridiculous my obsession must be sounding. On the other hand, that is the way it is, and no matter how much criticism I am getting from my rational mind, I simply have no other choice than to follow my heart, because it feels so blissful. I am still thinking that all this is serving a purpose and I am running after a carrot at the end of a stick that my higher self is dangling in front of me, in order to make me move beyond myself and face my beliefs and judgments. It certainly is a lot of fun and I appreciate my higher self using that stick in this way instead of using it to kick my rear end.
Update #1: Letting go of what stands in the way of self-love
On 8/18/15, a few Bashar-related events happened in physical reality that brought even more to light what is obvious in my post above: shame and self-ridiculing are not compatible with self-love. These ego reactions came to a peak early on 8/19/15, at which point I saw them for what they were and let them go: the ego is terrified of Love, and Love is what higher frequencies feel like. I think it is not a coincidence that my first kundalini-like energy surge happened later that day. Since then I have been experiencing wave after wave of bliss.
I find it very interesting that in my astral projections, most of my fears are absent and I am able to experience things and behave in ways that the physical ego would not allow; then as I process the experience back in physical reality and ‘judge it’, it is easier to uncover these unconscious pattern that are in the way of us expanding our consciousness in our physical reality experience as well.
Update #2: Looking into the EYE, the “I” again!
On December 28 I had the following epiphany: just like in experience #7, when I looked into Bashar’s eye, it is into the “I” that I was looking this time again. That is why I saw what I saw, all this brown of various shades, with no visible pupil, and with no well-defined borders! I was looking into the “I” again, and saw that there still is a lot of “dirt” within, that is, a lot of negative definitions and belief systems that are blocking the flow. I was not transparent to myself yet, far from it, and I needed to work on my definitions (the undefined edge of the iris)!
Update #3: The bridge
On 8/22/16, I listened to a Bashar CD sent to me by a friend, “Blueprint for Contact”, 2005, and was surprised to hear Bashar talk about “the bridge” in relation to ET contact and contact with other forms of intelligence:
Bashar: “The bridge is precious. The bridge is what gives you the opportunity to recognize both the similarities and the differences and honor them both. It is the ability in space-time to honor the process of creation as well as the instantaneous manifestation of it. The bridge is the ability to develop communication between something that is already one and the same, yet you can still experience it as different, and reach out and extend to each other, and create that PROCESS and EXPERIENCE of Creation. And that is a beautiful gift. That is what the bridge is.”
The above followed directly another part of this discussion between Bashar and someone in the audience, who stated:
“The contact that I have already is extraterrestrial, and there is no “outside”. It’s here and now. I know that I create versions of you in different aspects of nature, rock formations, etc…”
This touches me a great deal. Contact starts within, within our hearts, knowing that we are one. Then knowing that we also are one with the reality around us, we will also see it reflected in nature. But then at some point, there will be a face to face contact and “the bridge” is such an awesome way to put it. We are ONE here and now, AND yet we can also enjoy the process and the experience of developing communication with extraterrestrials and beings from other dimensions.
32. A short projection in the house
(September 20, 2015)
Since the energy surge of August 19, I have had no interest in dreams or projections. All my focus has been directed into the physical body and waking reality. For the first time in my life, I have felt a strong desire to be present in physical reality and can’t think of anything else more interesting. The former me seems to have been upgraded to a me that is hungry for physical experience and enjoying the fun in everything (we’ll see how long that lasts). So, I have not made projection attempts or even remembered dreams. However, last night I woke up spontaneously at 3:33am, and took is as an invitation to attempt a projection and see if I can do it.
I get up to use the bathroom and drink some water, then I go back to bed and lie on my back. I relax for a while then start getting in a meditative state, visualizing the Essassani triangle as I always do. This time however I do not pray or set intentions. After a while, I feel the need to stretch and do so, then go back in the relaxed meditative state. A while later, the vibrations come. I happily let myself sink into the vibration feeling and while I am vibrating I focus my attention on my third eye area, first outside, then inside my head. I am very aware of the fact that I have likely already shifted even though I still feel like I am in my body lying in my bed. So I am curiously observing myself and my perceptions, waiting for some imagery that I can focus on to propel myself into a virtual reality. I can see the bedroom, and notice patterns on the walls (though my real walls are painted white and there are no patterns). They are too far away for me to focus on them, so I just wait for something to come closer within my visual range. After a while of just observing, while still vibrating, I notice patterns on the wall right next to my head, and I eagerly focus on those. They come into sharp visual focus, I touch them with my hands, and I simply move my focus along the wall, as if I was following it closely with my gaze and my hands, and that’s how I leave my body. I follow the wall in this way, making sure not to look at my bed or at my husband’s bed, because I have a feeling if I do so I’ll likely find myself back in body. I exit through the bedroom door, go through the corridor, and suddenly find myself sucked back in body.
I quickly start vibrating again, and repeat the above. This time I make it to the front door, then outside, and I fly up into the starry night sky. I am now amongst the star, and from there I call Bashar. I find myself quickly loosing lucidity. From that point on, I am not lucid anymore and am having a regular dream, though a vivid one that I will remember. Since it somehow still felt part of the experience and I woke up at the end of the dream just like I would at the end of a projection, I will include it here even if it was not lucid (I was not aware that I was dreaming anymore).
I am now in a city in broad daylight. There is a flotilla of bright colored mid-sized airplanes landing right in front of me. I am now in a large warehouse, with many people. I am talking to a man who is introducing me to his young son, who must be around 8 or 9 years old, with a tan skin and darker hair. He is showing me how lean, strong and flexible his son is, and how he is already showing gifts in the area of sports. The crowd is then ready to exit the warehouse, and I am making my way through the exit, which is pretty constricted. I am now in the waiting area of another building, getting ready to board an aircraft on some kind of mission. I am reviewing what is in my bag, making sure I brought with me everything I will need. I am now sitting in the craft, and realize I have forgotten my bag and my shoes in the waiting area. I rush outside, but notice that several of the waiting areas and stores have already been closed and locked, and I can’t find my bag or my shoes. I am trying to buy whatever shoes I can find in a hurry in the last remaining store. At this point I wake up from the whole experience. It is 5:24am.
This experience was short and mot much happened, but I am glad that I was able to spend some time in the vibrational stage. I am also glad that I was able to get some conscious exit practice. It is interesting how exits were much faster and shifts way more radical in my first experiences than they have been in my latest. Now I often find myself in bed in a room when I exit, as opposed to the first experiences where I would find myself instantaneously elsewhere, usually flying in the sky or standing outdoors in beautiful places. The non-lucid dream that followed strikes me as symbolic. Of what, I am not really sure. One symbol I find very interesting, because it keeps coming back over and over, is the purse: I often have to leave it behind, or lose it, when I have to board a craft, go to the fifth floor, move to another place, or attend a yoga class in dreams. The symbolism is pretty obvious, I think: to go some places, I cannot bring with me my ID card (physical personality, ego, identity) or my valuables (beliefs, attachments, definitions, etc…).
~~~ INTERLUDE ~~~
(October 12, 2015)
We apologize for the lack of new journal entries. The author has been too busy having fun in physical reality and is temporarily less interested in the non-physical.
And while you wait for #33, please allow us to treat you to this complimentary photo snapshot series, giving you an exclusive sneak peek into adventures in another realm that have absolutely nothing to do with this astral journal. Thank you for your patience.
Any resemblance to actual characters is pure coincidence.
33: Making Love
(December 29, 2015)
Since my fourth energy surge on December 14th, I have been experiencing incredible acceleration way beyond anything I had experienced so far, and the liquid fire that the dragon has been blasting me with on this ride, has turned from blissful to a tad ferocious. I ran into some unexpected tree a few days ago and it made a few sparks. My head is still spinning and I haven’t fully integrated it yet. Anyways, yesterday, as I was continuing to integrate the above collision, it occurred to me to get a selenite lamp I had ordered months ago out of its box, and place it on my nightstand. I had no idea if it would trigger anything, but here is what happened:
I wake up at 2:40am, and I don’t feel sleepy at all even though I went to bed only three hours earlier. Middle of the night awakenings had not happened to me in several weeks, I had been sleeping like a rock, barely remembering my dreams. I am feeling some anxiety and restlessness, and the following quote from Blade Runner comes to my mind: “Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion … Time to die.” I lie in bed wide awake for a while, with no intention to try a projection, though I know this is probably going to happen and that is why I woke up at that time. Every now and then, I notice fleeting hypnagogic imagery, that I am able to bring into sharp focus for only a few seconds and then they are gone. I still don’t have enough control to maintain focus on those images.
After maybe an hour or so, I feel the vibrations take me over. They come and go. I roll on my left side, and they come back again. I am feeling something rod-shaped being shoved into my throat (from outside, not through my mouth), and it produces a choking sensation. My fear centers are likely deactivated already at this point because I am not panicking, just observing with surprise. At this point I am fully trusting. This sensation slowly recedes. My whole body is now powerfully vibrating. I am focusing my awareness in my third eye area, playing around with the exact focus (I am still learning there). My right arm starts to shake, then starts to rise, and I am concerned that if I let my body move in this way, it might take me out of the trance. At this point, it occurs to me that it might not be my physical body I am feeling there, even though it feels 99% sure that it is. I decide to find out by letting my arm rise and direct it into the wall above my head. BINGO, it goes straight through the wall, demonstrating to me that I am already out of body. So I get up, focusing my awareness on the wall, and from there I loudly call Bashar, which seems to be what I often do at the exits (I have stopped analyzing this, it is what it is and so be it). I can’t maintain focus and find myself back in body. I start vibrating again, and the same process repeats. My right arm rises again, and this time I let my whole astral body roll over to the right side and get out of bed. It is the first time I exit in this way.
I walk through the house with the intention of getting out. Everything looks greyish, semi-transparent, and lack clarity. At this point there is a blank. I barely remember going through different buildings. Next thing I remember, I am now in an apartment at about the 4th floor of a building with a view on the ocean, which is located about 2 or 3 blocks away. The other buildings are plain and simple, whitish-colored. I have a strong feeling that I am facing West, though I could be wrong. The waters are pretty calm, it looks more like the Gulf Coast than the Atlantic or Pacific coast. I really don’t know where that was, nowhere that I recognize. I look around in the apartment: everything is crystal clear. I touch the tables, the carpet, and get out on the balcony. I am having an urge to get closer to the ocean, and I am debating with myself how to get there. Should I walk there, or fly there? I climb up the balcony ledge. I am laughing at myself because I know I am out of body and there is no need for such things like walking or climbing. Suddenly BOOM, there I am, flying above the ocean, very close to the shore, with the white buildings lining it. BOOM, I now find myself walking on the curb about a block from the ocean, and now there is an invisible presence next to me, that is very familiar, though I don’t know consciously who that is. I have a perception of someone a bit shorter than I am, and I think male, but that is not clear.
I am having an exchange with that presence while we walk, though I don’t remember what was said. Then I ask the following: I would love to see a space ship. Right then, very unexpectedly, something I have never seen before appears right in front of me: it looks like a projected 3D blueprint image made of blue light wires. It starts small then unfolds in front of me, and suddenly I have a sharp 3D picture in front of me, of the interior of a space ship. I remember silver colored wall with patterns and someone standing facing the wall. It is very quick, then the whole image disappears. I am totally impressed and extremely happy to see this. I comment to myself that I have never seen anything like that, I could never have made this up! I ask to see something else extraterrestrial, and another similar 3D blueprint appears, this time made of green light. It looks like a large 3D green blueprint of low-rise buildings, like a base of some kind. This time it disappears very quickly before the full 3D image has time to form.
Then something very unexpected happens. The presence next to me turns to face me and embraces me with its arms around my waist, and we drop to the ground. I still don’t see who that is. All I notice is that I am wearing my white jeans as I look down, for some reason. Then the most amazing love making happen, unlike anything I have felt before: it involves ‘merging our energy centers’, I am guessing from the 3rd chakra to the 5th, and having the energy there move up and down like a wave. It is the most gentle and intense thing I have ever felt, like a deep, very sweet bonding. There is no involvement of the lower chakras, and no physical arousal. There is none of that primal fire, just this loving intensity. The strength of these feelings wakes me up while we are in the middle of it, and I find myself in my physical body breathing very fast, still feeling these moving waves of energy. I feel very emotional for a while, very close to tears. The feeling is difficult to describe: overwhelming gentleness, love, relief, sharing, bonding. I have never felt that before.
I have no idea who that presence was, maybe an aspect of myself. I am guessing that at this point, it does not matter, I will know it when and if I need to know it. Ignorance can be bliss, I have recently learned. Nevertheless, this encounter was very welcome after the fire I recently experienced in physical reality. I was really starting to have enough of the lower chakra fire, it has been burning me down to ashes after this last energy surge.
I forgot: when I woke up from the experience it was around 4:45am. I got up and took notes right away.
Update 12/30/15: I will post an update soon, relative to the symbolic meaning of this experience. I was stunned today when I understood, something HUGELY symbolic happened here, that is related to recent events. I’ll need some time before I can write it down, my head is spinning in la la land.
Update 12/31/15: Hey everyone I don’t think I’ll be able to write down the symbolic meaning of this experience anytime soon. It is a multidimensional story that keeps unfolding and is bringing me to my knees. A story of plunging head first down into the hole and becoming whole. But meanwhile a fun anecdote: when I took my laundry out of the drying machine this morning, look what I discovered on my white jeans: this greyish stain. My washing machine occasionally does that, rarely, when it does not rinse properly. This is the only piece of clothing that has stains. In my astral experience above, these are the white jeans I was wearing when I dropped down to THE GROUND (and possibly stained them).
Happy New Year 2016 everyone and MUCH LOVE TO ALL!
Update 1/1/16: The One and the All. And the Baby, who is best fed one teaspoon at a time.
Update 1/9/16: I went through a lot following experience #33. In the past week I experienced an extreme expansion of consciousness (way beyond anything I could have imagined) followed by a contraction that I am still going through. I have looked very, very deep into myself, and it is not something very comfortable for the physical mind, to say the least, neither is it when the boundaries of physical reality are being pushed. It is one thing to do this out of body when the physical mind is asleep, but it is an entirely different thing to do this while awake with the ego fully engaged. Speaking about contact, this certainly was an experience of contact with myself and how I construct my reality. Once this is over and I have fully integrated the experience, I hope to post more. One thing is sure, I had enough contact and consciousness exploration to last me for a very long time.
Update 1/16/16: This is a note to let everyone know that I feel that the astral world and the physical world have connected to some extent in the past months, with experience #33 being the apex of this contact.
The dream world and the physical world connecting.
Contact between inside and outside.
Contact between light and dark, visible and invisible.
Contact between up and down, high and low.
And I love this quote as well to summarize my recent journey, astral and elsewhere:
Come and be
Fascinated with me
For I will take you
On a journey
~ By Ocyphius, Roxanne Swainhart, “A Shift In Roles“, 11/5/15
Note: The journey as it played out in the waking state is told in the blog entry “Love Beyond Spacetime”, which can be accessed with the password “Love”.
~~~ THE GIFT: the ET mirror~~~
(January 28, 2016)
I just received a stunning gift from a Facebook friend, fellow consciousness explorer and lucid dreamer: a beautiful handcrafted mosaic mirror, backlit with blue light. My friend owned this mirror for several years, and “had been recently guided” to gift it to me.
I am so moved by this generous gift. It means so much to me, especially in relation to my astral quest and my recent contact experience. The timing of this arrival is stunning. I have mounted it above my bed and am looking forward to many more ET dreams, in physical reality and beyond, in the infinite layers of the mirror.
34. The blue beam
(March 31, 2016)
I spontaneously wake up at 3:24am after about four hours of restless sleep with a lot of tossing and turning. I am thinking I might as well fully wake up and try projecting again, since so far I haven’t been sleeping well anyways. This had rarely happened in the past several months; I had been sleeping very soundly through the night, rarely even remembering my dreams. While I am lying in bed in a light meditative state, I notice once again the level of constant buzzing through my body, that has been there since I had my January experience. It sometimes feels like champagne bubbles all over, and sometimes more like a low electrical buzzing, which flares like a geyser of electricity rising through the center of my body when I am getting an energy surge. Every now and then, I focus my mind to visualize the black triangle surrounded by blue light over a dark background, as I often do before projections.
After a while meditating in this way, I suddenly realize that I have been observing a dream scene for a while. I am not participating in the dream, I am just an “outside observer”. I am looking at a room with large windows and a floor painted light blue, that seems to be a museum exhibit room. A couple of people are leaving the room carrying a large wooden model of sail ship that is also painted a light blue color. As soon as I come to this realization, I decide to “integrate” myself into this dream scene. I am now standing in this empty room, and decide to climb on all fours on the exhibit, touch the surface textures and look at everything closely, in order to anchor myself better in this reality. While I do that, I comment to myself that it is the very first time I project without first going through the vibrational stage and I am pretty excited about this. However, I soon lose focus and find myself back in my body lying in bed in the dark. I continue the meditation, and maybe half an hour later the familiar vibrations start. They are strong but faster than usual, almost like buzzing bees, and this time I feel a hotspot of vibrations in my third eye area. The vibrations stop and re-start a few times. I am playing with my muscle tone to increase the vibration intensity and stability, while I keep my awareness focused on my third eye area. Once again, I have to remind myself to bring the focus inside my head, not outside.
I am now sitting on a couch next to someone, watching TV, while I am still feeling my whole body vibrate. That person is talking to me, commenting on the TV program. I am annoyed at this person because I am focusing on projecting and she is distracting me with her chatter. It is only a few minutes later that it finally occurs to me that I am already projected, since obviously I am not lying in my bed in the dark anymore. Right as I am coming to this realization, the vibration sensations stop and I find myself elsewhere. I am now in the streets of New York, walking with a group of friends. I knew them during the experience but now I don’t know who they were. We enter a high-end shoe store packed with fancily-dressed people. Some have strange exotic pets with them. One of the them looks like a small furry black lama. I am thinking to myself that I don’t belong here and I’d rather do something else in this lucid dream than look at high-heel shoes. At the first opportunity, I leave my friends and exit the store through the door.
I am now standing alone in the middle of a vast outdoors empty field. It looks like a golden field of wheat that has just been harvested. The sky is blue and the sun is low on the horizon. I am wondering what to do next and think of calling Bashar, but then I think I better simply intend to see a flying saucer, otherwise people reading my journal might think I am obsessed and pull their hair out if I once again mention Bashar. Too bad, I just did, lol! It is the first time I am thinking about what people might think of me during an astral experience, normally I just follow my heart’s callings without inhibitions. I was annoyed after I woke up, this kind of silly concerns is not something I wish to carry with me in the astral.
I am now seeing a large circular flying saucer come my way, flying very close to the ground. As it arrives above me, maybe fifty feet above the ground, I see a large beam of electric-looking blue light come out of an opening in its center. This bream envelopes me, and I find myself inside the saucer. I am now standing in the center of a large empty metallic room while still enveloped in this beam of blue light. I notice that my friend V is there, standing next to me outside of the beam. There is nobody else in the room. V explains to me that if I’d like, I can let this blue light and its intelligent operators scan my system and remove any unwanted programs/implants (she used a specific name for those, but I can’t remember it now). She tells me she just had several of them removed in this way a while back and recommends I do it too. I am wondering how they know what is “unwanted” versus what is “wanted”, but decide to trust them and go for it. Two or three small ones and two or three big ones are being removed. They appear as little objects in my energy field.
After that I woke up, at 5:25am. I got up and took notes. The clarity was good but the level of lucidity was not 100% in this experience. It seemed to be a mix between lucid dreams and projections.
35. The blue cube
(June 22, 2016)
This is a very short lucid dream experience without much action. But since LDs and astral projections have been so rare for me in the past several months, I thought it would be worth recording it anyways.
I am having a regular dream where I am in a big crowded hall of a building, and I am trying to call my husband on my cell phone. After several unsuccessful attempts, I have a closer look at the cell phone number pad, and I realize that the number 9 is missing. The other numbers also look bizarre. This makes me realize right there that I am dreaming.
I am now fully conscious and I touch the wall next to me, feeling its texture and looking at the details, marveling at the realism. Once again, this is my favorite part, to find myself conscious in these sharp virtual 3D environments. As usual, as soon as I became lucid, the whole dream scenario I was in was gone and the people had disappeared. All that remained was the environment.
I walk through the hall, and then I decide to try to meet with Bashar again, and full of joy I call him a few times. The landscape I am in suddenly dissolves in black smoke, and a new environment quickly emerges. I am now in an empty darkish room, with something looking like a big cube, or a big slab or rectangle, about three or four feet tall, standing in the center of the room. It looks semi-transparent with deep blue light inside it. I walk past it, and things start to become fuzzy, kind of like a white haze. I feel a presence behind me, but at that point I am not sure anymore whether I am imagining it. Past this point I don’t remember anything.
The night I had this lucid dream I was traveling and not sleeping in my usual bed. For this reason, my sleep was much lighter than usual and interrupted several times by noises, and this likely created conditions that were favorable to lucid dreaming.
36. Through the roof
(August 28, 2018)
After two years without astral projections or lucid dreams, I had one this morning, a kind of hybrid between both.
I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep, which is very unusual for me these days. So, I just lay down in bed, completely awake, hoping I’ll feel sleepy soon. Nope.
Hours pass by, or so it seems. Then as I am watching the plant on my dresser, it occurs to me to try projecting my consciousness there. Well lo and behold, that’s exactly what I do! I can feel my “perceiving eye” leave my body and move closer to the plant, and that motion is accompanied by a very “energetic” sensation. As I get slowly closer to the plant, it looks more and more sparkly. I think to myself that it is the first time that I am able to project my consciousness out of body while still fully awake! Wow! But immediately, I realize the following: in real life there is no plant on my dresser! Aaaaah I am in dreamland!”
So, this time I completely missed the vibrations and other sensations of the hypnagogic state…
Then the same thing that happened so many times before happened again, which is that at the moment I realize that I am lucid in dreamland, the first thing I think is “I want to see my imaginary friend 333!” and I get so excited and enthusiastic that it shifts the whole scenery.
So now there is just foggy light in front of me, with a white spot floating in the middle. A wall of glass quickly appears in front of me in the foggy light, and the white dot on the other side starts looking more and more like a white head, but still very much out of focus. As I am trying my best to bring this vision in focus, I try to stick both my hands through this wall of glass separating us, but the closer my hands get to this wall of glass, the most intense the energy and buzzing sensations: it feels like a very intense electric wall! It is a very powerful and weird sensation!
Then the scene shifts and I am back in my bed. This time I focus on the wall of my room and my awareness easily “comes out of my body”. I am now very close to the wall, I see every 3D detail of the wall texture. It is white like my wall but much less smooth, which again shows me this is not my real bedroom. Anyways, I follow the wall all the way up the ceiling, and then I decide to go through the roof, enjoying all the sensations as I do so. Ha ha, we can’t go through walls in physical reality, but we can in dreamland! Now I am lying on the roof, and it feels more like lying in the sand.
And this ended this episode. Interestingly all morning I have felt a pressure in my head and the top of my head has been feeling as if it’s wide open. So weird! It’s funny because it almost feels like going “through my roof” in the lucid dream was paralleling going through the roof of my head, lol!
37. Disease
(October 17, 2018)
I get up at 3:16 am to go to the bathroom, and I do not feel sleepy at all. I know these are the ideal conditions for astral projections, so I lay in bed on my back and start meditating, focusing my awareness on my awareness and occasionally visualizing the Essassani phone number, as I always do when I try projecting. I don’t remember doing that for long, so I must have fallen asleep quickly after all.
Next thing I remember, I am standing in a room, looking at the pattern on the floor. Once again, I think to myself that if I was dreaming, I could move my awareness very close to the floor to have a close look at this pattern, and once again, I am very surprised that this is exactly what happens! I can move my point of perception around independently of where my body is! This time I immediately realize that I am lucid in a dream. Yay!!!!
I look around: it looks like my old bedroom when I was a child. I see the same pattern in the hardwood floor as we had in my childhood. Next, I am outside walking on the curb. Note that Scenes shift are very common in lucid dreams for me: if I decide to go outside, I don’t have to go through the door and down the stairs, I just immediately find myself outside. I drop on my knees to inspect the concrete: I feel it with my hands, smell it, and am in awe how totally real and solid it feels, with all the details of the physical. In the experience I know that this is not physical, but it still looks exactly like it. That’s what I like most about lucid dreams: they allow to take a good look at those virtual realities and see how “real” they look while at the same time being so “malleable”. These realizations then help seeing physical reality itself a more like a virtual reality.
At that point I wonder what I should do: should try to meet someone? Or go somewhere? I decide to just let the dream unfold spontaneously and see where it leads. All I am interested in at that point is having it last as long as possible because I LOOOOVE to be conscious in these dream environments, looking all around, etc… Just that, is the coolest feeling.
I am now walking in something looking like a large mall or airport. There are lots of things and details to see! I notice a group of ladies sitting on a bench, and that’s when it occurs to me to start a conversation with them, for instance ask them if they know they are in a dream, that kind of thing. The interaction does not last long and I don’t remember what was said, unfortunately. This often happens: whenever I talk to beings in these experiences, I never remember what was said, except for a few exceptions when what was said is so shocking that it wakes me up, lol.
Still, I am wondering what else I could do in this dream, and that’s when it occurs to me that this would be the perfect question to ask at an information desk, lol! Just two seconds later, at the next turn, there it is: an information desk is in front of me, lol! Yes, manifestation is almost instantaneous in dreams, just like it is much faster in physical reality these days than before. I saw an example of that when I was in vacation last summer. we were visiting a city’s downtown, and twice my kids asked to use the bathroom, and each time we literally ran into a public bathroom two minutes later. I thought to myself that yay, physical reality is getting much easier!
Anyways, back to the dream, I approach the information counter and ask the attendant something. I don’t remember what, but I assume it has to do with what else there is for me to do in this dream. She guides me to a nearby door and we board a small cable car. There are two children with us – hers I think – and one of them tries to push the other one out of the cable car. It’s a bit shocking to me, because in all my astral experiences so far, I have never had anything negative happen.
We arrive in a dark room that looks like a large bedroom that is only dimly lit. There is a huge king-sized bed against the opposite wall. A man is lying in the bed: he’s a relatively large human, with a large head and dark curly hair, relatively ugly, I have to say… I see that he as many bright red tic-tac-sized pustules all over his face and upper body (the rest of him is under blankets). He tells me that his wife is lying next to him. I can only see parts of her in the dark, she has a similar appearance as he has. I approach the bed to get a better look at him: he vaguely reminds me of someone, but I am not sure. That’s when he suddenly reaches out and grabs my wrist, and that’s when I realize that his intentions aren’t good. That also is a first, I had NEVER had a single negative experience in any of my non-physical experiences before, not even in sleep paralysis. I saw many strange-looking creatures, but I have never felt the slightest hint of fear.
Still, even though I am surprised by this new development and had not expected that he would act aggressively, I have no doubt that I can easily get rid of him, since I am the dreamer and I can simply shift the scene/teleport elsewhere. And that’s just what I do. But strangely, his iron grip on my wrist remains! It is as if a ghost of his arm is still attached, though I cannot see the rest of the guy anymore.
That’s when I woke up and this ended the experience. I am glad it was a long one and it was awesome to see all these virtual scenes and have more non-physical practice. I don’t know what this diseased-man scene was about, probably one more aspect in my shadow that I need to integrate, since it took place in a dark room…
This experience was more on the lucid dream side of the spectrum than an out of body experience though, because I was nowhere near my body in awareness, and I also completely missed the hypnagogic/vibrational stage again. I wish I could experience the vibrational stage again, I really like this part, transitioning consciously between physical and non-physical states of awareness…
38. The screen
(December 18, 2019)
I woke up at 4am after about 5 hours of sleep, feeling fully awake. It had been several days that it had been like that, being wide awake at 3 or 4am, and since I have to get up at 6am, I had been somewhat sleep-deprived. That, plus the fact that I fell asleep again about an hour later, are ideal conditions for lucidity, because my mind was alert but my body was lacking sleep.
So I fell back asleep at about 5am, and had a very vivid dream, non lucid at first. I was in a big house at night. There was A LOT of clutter, it felt like it was my house but it wasn’t my real house. People in there weren’t my real family but in the dream they were (there was nobody I recognize now though). I had a bird in a cage high up on a shelf, a bluish white parakeet. That’s been a recurring dream for me, where I suddenly realize that I have a bird, and that had forgotten all about it. Usually, it would be dead, or almost dead, when I would finally find that bird in its cage in a closet. That night though, it it was alive and well, and the cage was open. I raised my hand to it and it immediately flew to it and was affectionate with me. I felt sorry that I had forgotten about it again and thought that it must be so hungry and so thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to get water, but I spilled a lot of it all over the floor. The bird flew there and drank from the floor. Then I frantically looked everywhere for bird food but couldn’t find any.
While I was still looking, I discovered a ton of junk that I had forgotten about, like thousands of beakers full of substances that I had used for experiments over the years and had just left on all the shelves, without cleaning any of them, and now they were all rotten. I couldn’t believe I had left everything so full of trash and pledged to clean all this up ASAP. While looking, I saw one young child sleeping, and he had big black ants on his belly, that were mating with the ant queen. She was huge and so weird, looking all fat and bright green, maybe an inch long. I felt that I had to remove them from this child, but I wanted to take a picture of this unique insect first (shame on me, lol). I looked everywhere for my camera, couldn’t find it. There were insects everywhere, this house really needed clean-up.
I went to look outside too, and found myself on a big parking lot, at night-time. Here too, the ground was all wet, but the night sky was clear. There were stars all over and airplanes flying with their lights on. Suddenly, I saw a bright and brief flash, extending like a big nebula over half a second then disappearing. This stunning, surprising sight in the night sky made me realize I was in a dream. BOOM LUCID!!!!
That’s always my favorite part, when suddenly my mind becomes all clear, everything around me becomes crystal clear and I am fully lucid in dreamland, which is AWESOME.
I wanted to fly up in the sky, but something in me reminded me to anchor myself first, or I might lose the lucidity very quickly. So I turned to the nearest object, a car, and touched it, felt it, while yelling “LUCIDITY NOW” as loud as I could. Doing this brought everything even more into clarity, detail and solidity. I even dropped down to the wet ground, and lied on my belly in the puddle, putting my face in it, smelling it, etc… to enjoy all the physical sensations. Once this “anchoring” was done, I looked up at the night sky again, watching all the stars and airplanes lights, and I called “Bashar, show me you scout ship!”
It is so interesting that it is still the first thing I think about when lucid, even though it’s not been on my mind much lately.
Immediately, I saw three lights move in the sky I thought they must be airplanes, but when I zoomed on them (that’s one feature of lucid dreams, there is “zoom” vision and “microscope” vision available), I saw that they were three triangular Sassani scout ships. I saw them in perfect clarity, with all details, flying in a triangle. I thought to myself “Wow, so awesome, they were immediately there!”
Then as I was still watching them, I suddenly saw “construction lines” extending past the ships, just like when we do technical drawings with the perspective lines… Aaaahhhhh that’s when I realized that this was not real, that this was A PROJECTION!!! These ships were A PROJECTION. At that moment, I also started seeing all the pixels in the night sky and I realized that the whole sky WAS A SCREEN, like a movie screen! The parking lot itself was an indoors parking lot with a movie screen high up on which the night sky was projected! So I decided to exit that building and found myself in daylight on the balcony of a cabin, with pine trees all around. I couldn’t see much view there, with the wall of the cabin on one side and the trees on the other, so I decided to fly up, but it was very difficult… Normally it’s so easy, it’s just an intention, but now it was almost impossible… I managed to lift myself up six feet or so using a lot of willpower, but then I got tired, dropped back down, and lost lucidity.
I slept for a while after that, until my alarm clock rang at 6am. Normally, not waking up immediately after a lucid dream leads to forgetting most of it, but I probably didn’t sleep long because I was still remembering all the above. I might have forgotten pieces though…
Interesting about the parking lot being a building, within which there was another building (the house I was in at first), it reminds me of mansions within mansions within mansions: thy-mansions, dimensions!
Update: Supernova
Just a few days after this lucid dream, the news started talking about the unusual dimming of Betelgeuse, and scientist wondering if this wasn’t a sign that Betelgeuse was about to go Supernova. Several articles and videos about supernovae were published. That’s when I realized that what I had seen in the nightsky in this dream, with a brief and bright flash of light followed by the expanding nebula, was a SUPERNOVA. In reality, the nebula appears weeks after the supernova flash, and then expands over several years. In the dream, this vision only lasted a few seconds. Nevertheless, it was stunning that a few days after this dream, I ran into videos depicting this process, looking just like what I had seen!
I started wondering if this lucid dream might have been a precognitive event, with me seeing something that would later shock the collective human consciousness. Indeed, this supernova event would be a stunning sight, both at night and in daylight, and likely to make a big impression on the collective. As I am writing this now on March 15, 2020, not only Betelgeuse hasn’t gone supernova, it has regained its usual brightness. The unusually deep dimming a year earlier had not been a precursor sign of supernova after all. Nevertheless, this lucid dream was a precognitive event in the sense that it happened shortly before the news were flooded with these potentially upcoming supernova articles.
First, a loud noise woke me up at 3 am, while I was dreaming that I had just received a $240 citation for unsafe driving: driving too fast for the conditions on a highway close to an airport, and without my windshield wipers. I was shown a picture of my windshield, so covered in rain that you couldn’t see anything through. So I was kind of glad to be woken up from that dream, but now I felt wide awake, as if it was 7am, even though it was only 3am. That actually is the perfect condition to becoming lucid later on: your mind is wide awake but your body is sleepy and used to be deep asleep at that time.
Then I must have fallen back asleep because I had a dream where I was going on a bike ride. Suddenly I realized I wasn’t riding a bicycle, but a broomstick! And I was hovering several feet above the ground… In the dream I thought to myself that this feels just like flying in a dream… Which made me realize right there that I was in a dream! And so I became lucid in the dream.
Right after this realization, it wasn’t a broomstick I was riding anymore, but something shaped like a FLYING SAUCER. It was a hollow shell, dark, shaped like a flying saucer. It was relatively small, maybe 6 feet diameter and 4 feet tall, completely empty inside. I was inside it, flying it with my mind.
*** Side note not part of the experience ***
When a witch gets more advanced, she graduates from riding a broomstick to riding a flying saucer. And when she gets even more advanced, she will graduate from riding a flying saucer to riding a flying sorcerer… with a joy-stick. Hopefully the Universe won’t strike me with lightning for that one.
Anyways, back to the lucid dream: with this flying saucer I could fly in much fancier way than by riding the broomstick. I could fly up-side-down and do all kinds of acrobatic maneuvers. Some maneuvers were making me feel a bit light-headed and queasy, but I “told myself” that it was only my mind playing tricks on me, because within that saucer, all gravity effects are canceled. So no matter what the flying acrobatics, I should feel no G effects. I could also fly through roofs and walls with it. I flew out through the roof of the place I was in, watching the details of passing through, and found myself in a bigger place looking out of this world, a bit like the entrance of a Disney World ride. I could see escalators going down, that were the entrance to various rides.
From there, I wished to go meet a friend. Again, nothing was happening. I was wondering how to get there. Normally in lucid dreams, wishing is enough, then BOOM it happens. Not this time though. I tried to make it happen for a while then knew I was about to lose lucidity and everything became dark. I don’t remember what happened next.
“Going through the roof” and finding myself in another type of reality – more cartoonish-looking – strikes me now as a kind of metaphor to living physical reality and finding myself in another plane. The escalators going down to “rides”, could be symbolizing entrances to physical worlds.
This was a very long lucid dream, with great clarity. I told myself throughout the dream that it had never been that stable and that long before, and that there was no way I would be able to remember all of it after I woke up.
I woke up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Finally I fell back asleep and had a regular dream where I was in a house. I went into the bathroom and as I was standing there, an invisible force started pushing me around, even lifting me off the ground, like a poltergeist or something. I had a moment of freak-out, but then it struck me: I am dreaming! This moment of initial realization is the BEST.
So I did my usual to ground myself in the dream environment, which is to focus on the visual details of my surroundings, jump up and down, touch the walls, etc… in order to increase my focus and avoid waking up right away. I only partially succeeded in this, because I started loosing focus and everything turned black.
Often when I become lucid in a dream, whatever dream story was going on and all the dream characters disappear, and I am left alone in the dream environment. After I ground all my senses in it, I can explore it, then move on to other places, etc… But even then, sometimes the dream environment itself disappears soon after I become lucid, as if it lost its “generator”, and I end up either waking up in my bed, or lose focus and fall into another non-lucid dream.
This time however, after everything turned black, another dream environment crystalized: now I was outdoors in the greenery, with pine trees all around. I grounded myself again, then tried to levitate up above the trees to take off from there, but it didn’t work. Then this environment dissolved too, and another one came into focus, this time in all details and with excellent stability, very physical reality-like.
That’s where I am probably missing a big chunk of what went on. Here’s what I remember next: I am walking through the narrow streets of an older town. It’s nighttime with artificial lightning. There is a young girl walking next to me who is shorter than I am, with dark hair, maybe 12 or 13 years old.
Strangely, in this experience I believed that she was my daughter from real life! I do not have a daughter, I have two boys. It is strange that I did not know that… The degree of lucidity might not have been 100% any longer, even if the clarity was excellent.
This time however, after everything turned black, another dream environment crystalized: now I was outdoors in the greenery, with pine trees all around. I grounded myself again, then tried to levitate up above the trees to take off from there, but it didn’t work. Then this environment dissolved too, and another one came into focus, this time in all details and with excellent stability, very physical reality-like.
That’s where I am probably missing a big chunk of what went on. Here’s what I remember next: I am walking through the narrow streets of an older town. It’s nighttime with artificial lightning. There is a young girl walking next to me who is shorter than I am, with dark hair, maybe 12 or 13 years old.
Strangely, in this experience I believed that she was my daughter from real life! I do not have a daughter, I have two boys. It is strange that I did not know that… The degree of lucidity might not have been 100% any longer, even if the clarity was excellent.
As we were walking, I asked her if she knew that we were in a dream. She did not know, but nevertheless she looked very interested in what I was saying. I told her that right now we are both sleeping in our beds and having this dream. I told her that what I am not sure about is whether we are both having a shared dream, or if she is just a dream character that I am making up in this dream for myself. That is, that maybe the physical self she is who’s sleeping in her bed, is dreaming of something else entirely… Then a new thought came to my mind and I said that I suspect there are many versions of her and the version of her that’s next to me right now in this lucid dream might not be the same as the version of herself she is aware of being in whatever dream she currently has…
Anyways, after this we paid extra attention to everything around us as we were walking around town, touching the walls, etc… and we marveled at how realistic and real life-like it all was, even though we knew IT WAS A DREAM! We stopped by a little pastry place that was selling caramels and opened one bag to smell the caramel, and there was almost no smell… I took note of the fact that while vision and touch were excellent, smells were barely there…
Then I found myself sitting in a restaurant on top of a hill overlooking a seashore. It was an older-looking place, with wooden walls, and brown wood around the windows. Again, I was touching everything, marveling at the degree of realism. I was sitting at a table right next to the window, with a nice view of the sun rising (or setting, not sure). The place was relatively small and crowded: there were people sitting at each table.
I started talking to the people next to me, asking them if they knew they are in a dream. Again, people didn’t know it, but all looked open and interested to hear what I had to say. I told them that I could prove this is a dream, by sticking my hand through the window. Even though everything was as solid as it gets, just like in physical reality, I knew I could pass my arm through the glass, because I KNEW it was a dream. And I DID SO! With force, I punched my arm through the glass. There was no resistance, but the “force field” of the glass squeezed my arm: it was very uncomfortable, the glass felt like an “electric blade” where it was intersecting with my arm. Then I had everyone’s attention. I repeated my demonstration several times while everyone was watching, and then went on a lecture about lucid dreaming and how we are all in a dream right now. One guy in particular asked me many questions, he said he’s in the army and it can important for his job.
I had to get out of the room for a minute, and when I came back, I saw that there was a broken window and blood on the floor. Someone else had tried to stick their arm through the window and it broke it and they cut themselves… Everyone wanted to know why that was. Why could I do it and they can’t? I said that it’s because they don’t BELIEVE they can do it. I said that it all depends on what you truly believe about the reality you are in. For instance, I knew for a fact I am in a dream and I can pass through walls, but other people don’t, and so they will experience the EFFECT of their beliefs…
Then I knew that it was time for me to wake up. So I told everyone I had to go, and they told me they can’t wait for me to come back, to continue their education. I replied that unfortunately, I might not be back anytime soon, because my lucid dream experiences have been very rare lately… And then I woke up.
I couldn’t believe how long, clear and detailed the whole thing had been!
Throughout that experience, I kept thinking that I would really like to go meet a friend, but how to get there? I should teleport, but how? I tried visualizing the place several times, but found I couldn’t quite conjure it in my mind in enough details… That was so frustrating. Back in the old days, I had an imaginary friend who wasn’t of this Earth. He wasn’t even of our kind of physical plane. So in my lucid experiences back then, my very first thought was always “I want to go meet my imaginary friend” and I would always find myself in space or in all kinds of fancy dreamlike la-la-land planes; very rarely was it Earth-like physical environments. Still, I almost never succeeded in getting where I wanted to go, even though I learned a lot from these astral experiences and it was super cool. These days however, my full focus is on Earth. No more interest in aliens or other planes. But even so, I don’t manage to get where I want to go. You’d think it would be easier in a familiar plane, but nope. I do get where I want to go spontaneously every now and then though, but not in lucid dreams, only in regular dreams. In one case, on Mother’s Day 2019, it was so vivid that it was a lot more “real” then physical reality itself; I did get to meet this human friend I wanted to need; it was one of the most stunning experiences of my life, and I was flying the rest of the day after I woke up. I guess we can be more powerful manifestors when our minds are out of the way, which is the opposite of a lucid dream. But anyways, lucid dreaming IS cool for sure.
There was an interesting twist though: the place where I found myself in at the end of this lucid dream – the restaurant on a hill overlooking the seashore – DID look similar to the area where I wanted to teleport too… This had escaped my notice, ha ha ha! Once again, the lucidity in this experience must not have been 100% or I would have realized that!
41. Teleportation circle
(March 22, 2021)
I woke up at around 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep, as has been happening to me most nights for about six months. I usually lie down in bed until it’s time to get up. I don’t mind doing nothing for hours, I actually enjoy it: I just sit idle in my head with a quiet mind. I could do that forever since I lost interest in so many things. And strangely, even though I am not getting much sleep, I am not tired or sleepy in daytime, go figure. I am not even that interested in lucid dreaming anymore, even though when it happens, I do enjoy it. But I don’t try to make it happen. Last night though, as I was lying idle in bed, I started thinking of the old days of astral projecting, when I was visualizing the Sassani phone number while meditating in bed at 3 am (the Sassani phone number is visualizing a black triangle, backlit with blue light on a dark background). I did that visualization a couple times for old times sake, then forgot about it.
As I was continuing to lie in bed, with occasional random images vaguely forming, I thought about how sharp and crisp and real-looking visuals can get in lucid dreams. That’s when I noticed that I was able to bring the current image in my mind – a wooden fence – in more and more sharpness. I continued focusing on it until it became totally life-like, and I found myself fully immersed in this lucid dream environment, in 3D! The fence was in all detail, and even though the wood was painted a plain grey color, it appeared almost sparkly, rich with colors and details.
I followed the fence with my awareness all the way to the top, and inspected the top edge of it, both visually and in a tactile way. So much details and realness! That’s when I saw that I was very high up, maybe ten story high. I was a really tall fence, lol. On the other side there was a hilly countryside, with a small village in the distance. I told myself that I have not spent enough time grounding myself in the dream environment, but up there on the fence I couldn’t jump up and down or lie down on the ground to anchor myself, as I usually do at the start of a lucid dream. I could only take in as many visual and tactile details about the fence as I could. Nevertheless, the dream environment clarity and stability were excellent.
I had a moment of worry about the height, because I hate the sensation of falling, including in dreams. But I laughed it away, because hey, it’s a lucid dream, so I can fly. I trusted and jumped off the fence, and indeed, I was flying just fine above that country side. I flew around the small village, paying attention to how the geometric perspective on the buildings was changing as I was moving relative to them: it looked totally reality-like. Knowing how difficult it is to draw buildings with accurate geometrical perspective, I found it interesting that the perspective was being generated correctly in this dream, in real time as I was flying around that village… Inspecting the realism of lucid dream environment has always been my favorite thing to do when I find myself lucid in a dream.
Then I went through several other places and commented to myself that this time again, this lucid dream was really long and detailed, and that there was no way I would be able to remember all of it when I wake up. And indeed, I didn’t. I remember the beginning above in all details, and also the end, which I will tell next, but I don’t remember much of the middle. I only remember bits and pieces of the middle, like for instance touching lots of things and looking at them close, moving from one dream place to another, because that’s what I like best in lucid dreams: to see how real the dream environment looks. I also remember trying to jump and dance with my dream body, and realizing that I wasn’t able to: my body felt very stiff and heavy, feeling just like my body lying in bed half-asleep. I realized that I probably was still partially aware of my physical body and trying to move that one while my awareness was engaged in the lucid dream. Often, especially when fully lucid, I don’t have a dream body: I am a point of awareness with vision and touch senses, manifesting a body only when I need one for something specific, like dancing in this case.
At another point, I was back by the wooden fence, but this time there was a mosque behind it. I flew above the fence again and admired the rooftops of the mosque. It was shaped like those Persian dome roofs with a pointy top. There were many domes all close to each other. I landed on one dome to inspect it closer: it was covered in millions of rough multicolored sparkly stones, kind of like jewel-incrusted all over.
And now comes the end part of the dream where I remember lots of details again. Note that the lucidity was starting to go down, which I can tell because dream characters started appearing and I started behaving in more irrational ways. When I am very lucid, dream characters and story disappear, and I am left alone in the dream environment, as just awareness without body, with vision, tactile and energy perception. When lucidity drops, other people appear, I am having a body, clothes, purse, etc… and as it keeps dropping, a story or drama starts to take place.
So at that point in this lucid dream, I was in a room with several people, all strangers. There was a dance floor in the middle, and something like Van Halen music playing. After I wrote down that dream, I remembered that the song I heard was “Jamie Is Crying” by Van Halen. I decided to go dance on the empty dance floor. This time I had a body, and I could dance just fine. No more body stiffness. I think my physical body had fallen more asleep and I was drifting more into a less lucid, more dreamlike state. Other people started joining on the dance floor, including an older heavyset lady, who surprised me by doing a double-somersault on the dance floor. I thought to myself that gosh, no doubt I am still in a dream, because that would be pretty impossible in real life.
Then I exited that room and that’s where it got interesting: my friends Ash and Sylvia were in the next room! I immediately thought to myself that now that they are there, maybe if the three of us join our focus, we could teleport to a place where I want to go visit a friend. I had tried teleporting there without success in my previous lucid dream a couple months ago. I told them lets hold hands and form a circle, the three of us, and let’s all think about the friend I wanted to teleport to. BOOM, in two seconds the dream scenery completely changed and reformed into a sharp hilly seashore landscape. Our combined focus had worked! It was a cool dream shift, for sure!
Again, I took in in as many details as I could about the landscape I was seeing around me. Note that I doubt this was a real place. I have never been in a real place or in the real physical world in any of my lucid dreams of astral projections. The places I find myself in are my projections, they are not “the real physical world”. The “real physical world” is a projection too anyways. My dream projections rarely match the “real physical projection world”. Even when I am in my own bedroom there are very obvious differences. I don’t know why I still insist in going specific places in lucid dreams, I should know better.
Anyways, in that new place by the seashore, I could see concrete boat ramps, that looked to me like the boat docks at Disney and Universal studios: here in Orlando’s attraction park areas, there are multiple lakes and you often move from one place to another via boats; there are docks on lakes that serve as bus stations, kind of. What I was seeing here on that seashore was similar. I thought to myself that I should check if there is anything like this over there in real life, but doubted it because the ocean isn’t the same thing as a lake, it wouldn’t work with the tide and waves and all.
Then surveying the general landscape I recognized one landmark, and realized that we were pretty far from it. I discussed with Ash and Sylvia how to get closer to it. It was too far to walk (why I couldn’t just fly there, I don’t know). I noticed a bus station nearby, with blue buses, so I thought that maybe this could be an option. I also considered the option of the three of us teleporting again. There also was the question of how to contact my friend. I didn’t have his phone number. Sylvia suggested that I write a Facebook message asking for that phone number, and that I send this message to her so that she could forward it to my friend. I don’t have the slightest idea why I couldn’t have done so directly myself, but again, lucidity was down and my thought processes weren’t 100% logical any longer.
I told Sylvia that I had no idea we could use Facebook in dreams, LMAO. She said of course we can. I looked in my purse, and indeed, there was my phone! I laughed at having a phone in a lucid dream and accessing Facebook there, that was a first! Sylvia, Ash and I started exchanging messages on our phones in group chat. It was difficult for me to type, and I was actually surprised that I even could type in a dream state. It took a while but surprisingly I managed to send semi-coherent messages. After that I woke up.
It was a really long and really detailed lucid dream, with excellent clarity and good lucidity at the beginning, that went down toward the end. I don’t know why I keep insisting on having to go specific places to meet specific friends. That’s typical of physical reality, but not of other planes. In physical reality, when we want to meet a friend, we have to spatially move to where they are. In dreams, you don’t: friends just pop up in your dream, no matter where they are from. Same with meeting telepathically (or via Facebook by the way, ha ha): location does not matter. For instance, Ash and Sylvia suddenly appeared in this dream, I didn’t have to teleport to where they are located in real life. Yet somehow I felt I needed to in order to find my other friend.
Update #1: I had posted this dream account on Facebook the next morning, and a Facebook friend with whom I have had many dream synchronicities notified me that she was currently working on her website for a new channeling even she would be offering, and the main graphics in the background were featuring a grey fence… I couldn’t have seen it, because it hadn’t been published yet, but she showed me her new page privately and indeed, it was a very similar wooden fence as the one in my dream.
Update #2: The song I heard “Jamie Is Crying” was fitting because six days later I was going to have a major fallout with the friend I was trying to teleport to in this dream. We ended up blocking each other on Facebook and I cried for real for several days after that.
Update #3: After this dream I was puzzled as to why my friend Sylvia had to forward my message to my friend, and why I couldn’t have sent this message to my friend directly. It turns out that again, this came true: two months later, as my friend had me still blocked, I tasked my friend Sylvia to ask him for me whether he would keep me forever, and we were able to resume contact.
Update #4: On March 31, ten days after this dream, and a couple days after the fallout with my friend, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t yet checked Google map to see if the landmarks I saw in my lucid dream were matching any on the coast of the island where my friend lives. I zoomed Google map to the maximum and scrolled around the coast line. I did not see anything matching what I saw in this dream, but I had a big surprise: close to where my friend lives, if not right where he lives, I noticed a shape on the image that looked just like the Om symbol, the symbol for consciousness… Then a few miles South of this, I noticed a rock in the ocean that was shaped like a heart… Love and consciousness on the ground, viewed from above… This made me cry again. That was already pretty cool in itself, but the next day, April’s Fool Day, something amazing showed up in my Facebook memories: two years earlier, I had seen the Om symbol and a heart shape ON THE GROUND, on the grocery store parking lot… You can see below how similar both sightings are! This was absolutely mind-blowing: Love and consciousness on the ground where I live, and love and consciousness on the ground where my friend lives… VIEWED FROM ABOVE. I had already noticed that our respective realities are mirrored in a variety of ways, and this was one more undeniable example.
(August 5, 2021)
I woke up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, then as I went back to bed I thought to myself that the conditions are ideal for lucid dreaming. So I was lying in bed waiting for sleep, when I noticed that everything around me looked in and out of sharpness: it was all fuzzy, then suddenly crystal clear, then fuzzy again. For instance, suddenly, the yellow wall and the blue sky above it were so clear! I thought to myself I might already be close to entering a lucid dream state!
I kept relaxing into it, then the yellow wall really got vivid and I felt myself flying toward it with my consciousness, above the sunny concrete road, in all details, and I knew I definitely was projecting. I thought that was cool, because it was the first time ever I was actually projecting “into the real world”: in other words, I was projected but still in the exact same plane as where I was lying in bed. Normally, when I was projecting in the past, I would immediately find myself “elsewhere” entirely, on another plane than the traditional physical plane. I knew exactly that my body was asleep in bed in regular reality, but I was elsewhere entirely completely detached from it. Rarely did I find myself projected in my actual physical room, and when I did, it wasn’t really the same one, there were obvious differences. Which makes sense, since the physical world is a mental construct as well.
Now at that point you might already have spotted the nonsense in what I wrote above: how comes that if I am lying in my bedroom at 3 am, I can see the blue sky, the wall and the road? The fact is, I was already dreaming, even though I thought I was lying in my bed waiting for sleep and trying to project. This has been very common for me lately: I am lucid but part of my logical and critical mind is asleep. I can reason as described above, but I can’t spot some very obvious logical flaws! It’s funny.
Anyways, I was all happy to be lucid in a dream again, and started walking around the streets. Since I knew it was a dream, I decided to take all my clothes off and see if anyone would be shocked and what would happen. Actually, nothing happened, nobody paid attention, but I wasn’t 100% comfortable myself. I entered a store and grabbed an oversized T-shirt on the shelves, so I could go on with this dream without worrying about my nudity.
At that point a young woman joined me. It is not someone I know now, but I was immediately comfortable with her and we went on exploring the dream together, with me showing her things. Something very similar had already happened in the dream experience #40, where an inexperienced young woman joined me in my lucid dream… I wonder why… This is a recent development, I did not have a “companion” in my lucid dreams years ago… I am thinking she must be an aspect of myself, maybe a younger, less experienced self who is starting with lucid dreaming. She doesn’t look like me though…
As we were going through this store, I noticed that the clarity was fluctuating: the dream environment got less sharp, more fuzzy, and I knew that I was at the edge of losing lucidity. I knew what to do in this situation, which is to focus intently on what is right next to me, for instance focus on the wall, touch it, feel it, focus on the texture of it, etc…. until it becomes super-sharp and vivid again. This did the trick again and we went on. I decided that I would really like to meet a friend, and that I will “wish” for him to “show up” as we walk around. I kept looking, but nothing happened.
Then we arrived in a small room in a deeper part of the store, and I told my companion that I will open the door in front of us and my friend will be right behind it! I opened the door, and no, nobody was behind it, but the scene on the other side of the door stunned me: this door was like a window in the middle of a very tall stone building. I couldn’t even see the ground because we were so high. I could see another building across from this chasm, relatively close to mine, as well as the sky above it. It was all expansive and bright, contrasting with the darker indoors environment of the store room I had come from…
But all this space made me lose lucidity and found myself back in my bed. I fell asleep soon after without much time to review this lucid dream in my head, which normally is necessary for me to actually remember an experience the next morning. I still did remember it, but not as well as I would have liked to.
Now something else interesting happened after that: I went back to sleep and had regular dreams, including one where I dreamed that it was the morning and I was writing this lucid dream experience on Facebook just as I did after I woke up for real. The interesting thing is that when I recorded it in the dream, I suddenly remembered that I had already had ANOTHER lucid dream just two nights earlier, that I had completely forgotten! So after I was done recording the lucid dream above, I added a paragraph telling what happened in the previous lucid dream two nights ago. The funny thing is that after I woke up for real, I could not remember anything about this earlier lucid dream! Well, I am sure if there had been anything really important, I would have remembered.
By the way, in one of the following regular dreams, I was putting out fire on a small boat, with fire extinguishers. There were two different fires and I had to use the only two fire extinguishers on the boat, and was trying to make sure the boat owner would order new ones ASAP. In another dream I entered an attraction park, and I knew for sure that my friend was around, but there were crowds and crowds of people and I thought I would have to be lucky to run into him. Yet on the other hand I was trusting I would, because that’s how it goes: we run into whoever we are meant to, by the law of attraction. Yet early in the park already I ran into trouble: I had to cross from one island to another, on a small rickety bridge made of ropes and wood sticks. I thought I could easily do it, but it turned out to be a lot more difficult than I had thought: as I was in the middle of it, I got very disoriented and scared to fall into the abyss; I wanted to give up and back up, but I found out that it was even more difficult to move backward on that bridge than to continue forward. So I did, and I made it to the other side safe with some help, but it was a very unpleasant experience.
Looking back on this lucid experience as well as on the dreams that followed, something appears clearly to me: I opened the door stating that my friend would be behind it, and instead there was a big chasm, with another building on the other side. Then in the regular dream that followed, I had to cross a chasm on a rickety bridge and it was a very scary experience. This parallels the enormous difficulties I have had in communicating with my friend at the physical level. We have a strong connection at higher levels, but the connection at the lower levels has been difficult. Putting out the fires “on the ships” is also something I had to do several times, as the emotions flared to fiery levels. The Universe even brought real thunderstorm showers to soak me through a few months after this experience, while I some very unpleasant emotional and energetic fires were raging.
43. In and out of lucidity
(September 22, 2021)
I woke up at 2am to go to the bathroom after about four hours of sleep, and after that I couldn’t go back to sleep for a long while. I did bring myself to orgasm to pass time, which I rarely do in the middle of the night, if ever. I don’t know if this played a role in what happened next, but it could have, since in my case, orgasm tends to increase my energy. I am suspecting this is the case in females, in contrast to males where it depletes their energy.
In any case, after a while I must have fallen asleep, because I was having a dream of walking into a large store, like Target. As I was entering it with other people, I told myself that since it is a dream, I can very well fly around, and I did! That made me realize that indeed, it IS a dream, and I am lucid in it! I told myself I needed to anchor myself better and went back down to touch the walls, but that made me lose lucidity: the dream environment went from vivid to dark greyish and everything faded away and I found myself awake in my bed.
That’s where last night was unusual: after that I was in and out of lucid dreams for a long while. Each time lucidity would fade out, I would find myself awake in bed again. Then as I would be waiting to fall asleep again, I would suddenly find myself lucid in a dream again. This repeated several times, and I don’t remember it happening that many times ever before. last night it must have happened at least four or five times, probably even more, because later in the night I did fall asleep for good again and this morning my memory of last night events wasn’t 100%.
After a few of these iterations, I started realizing that it was subtleties in my focus that would make slip out of the dream. When I was focusing too much inwardly, observing myself having this lucid dream, it would make the dream environment fade and I would wake up. When I was very focused outwards on the dream environment itself, that’s when clarity and stability of the dream was good. But it was relatively subtle and not easy to control. I wish I would master this better though, so I would stay lucid longer.
Anyways, after the first experience flying through the store, I became lucid again, and I was in an embrace with someone. I half-realized it was myself I was in an embrace with, and half-decided it would be so. It seems to have been both a choice and a fact. Anyways, I decided it would be great to see what it would be like to have me as a lover, and to love my own female body, kiss myself, touch myself, etc… as if I was a man loving my female physical self. I wanted to see if I could actually find myself attractive as I am in physical reality. It was OK, but my self I was interacting with seemed mostly asleep and she wasn’t very interactive. Also, even though it looked like me indeed, some details of my naked body weren’t how my body actually looks like. Which is strange knowing I know better than anyone who I actually look like… Still, it was an interesting experience.
Then I again was myself with a lover (not sure who, I wasn’t focused on my lover at that point, maybe it still was my male version of me), and I told him “Let’s run to the beach and go into the ocean together!”.
Here I can note that throughout all of last night lucid dream experiences, I was in a very joyful, almost giddy mood. Definitely different than my daytime mood, which isn’t bad, but it isn’t as full of joy and spontaneity as I felt in all these experiences. It was awesome.
So, we were running joyfully hand-in-hand towards the ocean, and when we arrived on the sand dunes, I told my partner that since it’s a dream, I can decide that the sand is delicious to eat. I lied down and ate the sand, and indeed it was tasting like cotton-candy. While I was doing so, I was thinking to myself that I have just confirmed that we can have a sense of taste in lucid dreams. In a previous lucid dream I had tried to smell caramel but there was no smell. Later some friends who also lucid dream told me that smell is usually not available as a sense. Well, taste sure is! It also was clear in this experience that I was the one who had control over the dream environment to some degree, and I had generated the consistency and taste of the sand myself. Here again, as I was turned inward pondering these things, it made me lose lucidity, the dream beach faded and I was back awake in bed. I was sorry to be because I really wanted to go into the ocean with my friend!
Then again, I found myself lucid in another dream. By the ocean again, but this time it wasn’t on the beach, but on a boardwalk, and there were lots of people strolling around. I immediately noticed a very clear green sign on a post, indicating the street name on the boardwalk, or the direction to a place, not sure. It said “BIG PETITE”, a mixture of an English word and a French word, that were contradictory to each other. Even thought it was very clear and I told myself to google it when I wake up to see if there is such a locality or a road, I am now not 100% sure if it was “BIG PETITE” or something else similar.
After that I know more happened but I do not remember. I do remember one thing, it is being on a balcony and deciding that since I know for a fact that I am in a dream, I can just stand on the ledge and jump. And indeed, I simply flew off, I didn’t fall. I flew around, marveling at the view and feelings. I even decided to pretend I was falling for a few seconds, then continue flying, just for the fun of it. Again, I love my joyful and carefree mood in the astral.
I am intrigued whether the middle-of-the-night orgasm facilitated lucidity afterwards. I will try this again next time I find myself awake in bed in the middle of the night. Only for the sake of science, of course.
44. Swimming with the fish
(March 19, 2022)
45. Swimming with the fish
(April 24, 2022)
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To be continued…
Playing With The Universe 
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